Days 82, 83 & 84

I know, I know. Long time no post. This is the first time I'm going a 3-part post, other than the weekend I went to the poconos wayyyy back when. Well tonight's post is not going to be detailed, but I will say that Wednesday was bad, Thursday was good, and today was bad. This post will be more about the feelings than the food. First of all, today was my last day at one of my jobs for this season. I'm glad about it because that means food temptation will be cut in half, as every event I worked was catered and that's where many messups occurred. 2nd, I seem to be making a decent amount of mistakes, which bother me, but then I realize that I'm starting to revert to my OLD diet mentality...that i'm somehow in a RUSH to lose weight, and that every messup is a disappointment. What happened to the girl that let the mistakes slide and kept pushing that this was a LIFESTYLE change, not a fad diet? I need a constant reminder that there is NO RUSH to drop weight, and that self-control and willpower don't come overnight. I'm still young, I still like to be in a social environment with my friends, and I have to remind myself that it's OK to cave into temptation and that it's OK that my willpower isn't very strong. I need to instead focus on how well I HAVE been doing, on the fact that I'm the laziest person in the world but I have been working my heart out at the gym and guzzling water like it's my job. I need to keep telling myself that for 3 months I haven't had a sip of soda or juice and less than 10 alcoholic drinks. I need to praise myself for cooking most of my meals and being generally more health-conscious and taking care of the outside of my body too - my skin, hair, etc (i.e. wearing sunscreen, not overdrying my hair, taking vitamins). Yes, I am disappointed that there are still days when things "go to shit" and that sometimes there are multiple days in a row. The best I can do is try my hardest. At the very least I make sure to keep up with the water drinking and the working out, and the rest is sure to follow. The weather is getting nicer, there are more social gatherings, and that's when things get hard. But I want to be able to enjoy things in moderation and try to continue to make healthier choices regardless of the environment I'm in. I AM noticing a difference in how I look and feel. It's harder to notice differences in my appearance though because 1) this is a SLOW process and 2) I see myself in the mirror every day. However I do notice that when I walk I feel less "jiggling"...I'm assuming this is a combination of losing fat and muscle firming up. I feel firmer. I also feel more flexible and WAY WAY WAY less sluggish and bloated. I don't FEEL like a fat person as much anymore. My clothes still all pretty much fit the same, which kind of disappoints me a little, but I just need to take a breath and remember that this isn't happening overnight. I ran into a friend the other day who was a lot heavier 2 years ago....and when I saw her this week she looked FANTASTIC! She had lost a lot of weight, and we talked a bit and her outlook and strategy is the same as mine. She doesn't deprive herself, she just tries to make better choices, she eats whatever she wants in social situations but in MODERATION, she doesn't drink much alcohol anymore AND she loves trader joe's!!! The big difference between us is that she has not ONCE weighed herself in about 2 years. She doesn't need to know the number because she KNOWS she's lost weight! That would be too tough for me, I couldn't possibly go that long without weighing myself!! haha. But it took her a while to get to where she is and she is OK with that! It was great talking to her because she is proof that change is possible and that it's OK to take it slow. Anyway, I am going to a lacrosse game tomorrow night and then out after, but I really don't want to eat bad restaurant food, I'm actually kind of looking forward to ordering something healthy! The rest of the week should be fine...I'm going to lunch on monday but the restaurant is 100% my choice so I get to select a place that's on the healthy side, which makes me feel good so I'm looking forward to that too, and going to get a MUCH NEEDED massage as well! Only good days ahead, I just need to keep powering through and keep positive. A sign on the wall of the Crossfit gym says "Your outlook becomes your outcome" which is SO TRUE! I need to stay positive because as long as I can do that I will get the results I want.