Day 82

Today was fine, not exceptional in any way. It was a day off from working out (as Tuesdays always are) and I ate well for the most part. A few hiccups but I wouldn't call them mistakes or mess-ups. I was at work and as we know it's always tough for me to space out my meals. Sometimes I try breaking one meal up into 2 parts, which works if it's a larger-sized meal, but that strategy didn't really apply to what I ate today. I also had brought dinner with me, a recipe that has proven disgusting in the past. I really only made it so I could use what was left of the ingredients. But part of the reason I've been enjoying this whole "diet" is because I like what I'm eating and actually look forward to it! As soon as I opened the container I sighed a sigh of disappointment because I REALLY didn't want to eat what I brought. I just have such a problem throwing out ingredients even though I know I hate them! But I realized that for the sake of keeping myself motivated and in a good place some sacrifices must be made...so I threw it out!! And opted instead for some sushi. There is a place next door to my work so I ordered "Chicken Sukiyaki" which was described as "sliced chicken and vegetables with sukiyaki sauce"...sounds delicious right? Read on further to know what it actually was. So in the end, the thrown out food got its revenge because I ended up being disappointed anyway!!

Here is what I ate:

Breakfast:

-1 egg scrambled, 1 TJ's hash brown and 2 slices turkey bacon with 2 tsp ketcup
*This is usual my "healthy" breakfast. And it would have been today, if I hadn't used the pan my mom JUST used to make bacon in. Her words "oh just use the pan on the stove it's still hot" so without paying much attention I put my food in only to find that I was essentially deep-frying it in like an inch of oil. A big F**KKKKKK escaped my lips lol. So everything I ate for breakfast was deep fried (albeit delicious haha).
-Big glass of unsweetened iced tea with 1 sweet & low

Lunch:

-TJ's Mac 'n Cheese with 2oz turkey kielbasa
*This is the healthiest version of junk food I've ever eaten. I'm pretty sure this is my most favorite recipe yet lol.
-1 oatmeal cream pie
*THROWBACK!! Remember these things?? I found it in a drawer at work and it basically didn't stand a chance.

Snack:

-1 banana and a sugar-free chocolate pudding
*Big ass cup of unsweetened iced tea with 1 sweet & low

Dinner:

-Chicken Sukiyaki with white rice and 1 piece of a california roll
*OK so I pictured it to look something like this:

^Looks delicioso right? (Except I didn't expect it to come with noodles. I would have been happier with chicken and veggies in a light sauce as in the one above. Except, since I don't know Japanese culture and really only took a guess at what Chicken Sukiyaki would look like, I did not know that what I would ACTUALLY be eating would look like this:

Effing soup???? Soup?? SOUP?? S-O-U-P?? With chunks of tofu, no less. WTF? It came in a tub and when I took it out of the bag I walked BACK to the sushi place and told them they got my order wrong. LOL that's how surprised I was. But apparently, after some googling, I found that the order was, unfortunately, correct. Does this look like "sliced chicken and vegetables with sukiyaki sauce" to you? SAUCE? does that look like sauce or broth? lol. My sister ordered some california roll and she was laughing at me the entire time I ate my pathetic excuse for dinner. I tossed some rice in there to make it seem more substantial.  FYI that isn't my ACTUAL picture I found that online but it's EXACTLY what mine looked like today. It also didn't taste like anything. I was sad. I added soy sauce on it to make it taste like something. :-(

-Small salad with ginger dressing
*This helped redeem dinner a tiny bit.

Snack:

-PB&J: 2 slices whole grain bread with 1 tbsp low-sugar PB and 1 tbsp homemade peach jam
*You know, I used to always tell people that I loved fatty foods and that I didn't have a sweet tooth. It is true that I love fatty foods. But APPARENTLY not nearly as much as I love sugar!! I honestly didn't think I liked sweets until I started this blog...my cravings are always for chocolate, or fruit, ANYTHING WITH SUGAR! What's up with that?? Crazy. Just an observation. I would like to keep the sugar intake down to a minimum...If I could at least keep just my 2 snacks a day sugary rather than adding sugar to breakfast lunch and dinner I'd be happy! We'll see how that goes. Right now just taking it one day at a time :-)

Day 81

Phew!! Dodged a bullet by re-evaluating things yesterday. So glad I did. Today was awesome, and I had a renewed spirit for taking care of myself. I went to Crossfit early morning AND Spin at night. I also made sure to eat well all day! I feel a sigh of relief that I was able to catch myself before I fell!

Here is what I ate:

Breakfast:

-1 TJ's granola bar
*Always good
-1 cup coffee with 2 tbsp coffee creamer (no sweetener)
*Yum!

Lunch:

-1 chicken breast with 1 slice lowfat swiss, 1 piece turkey bacon & 1 tbsp TJ's bbq sauce
-1 serving TJ's mashed potatoes
*This whole thing came really good!

Snack:

-3/4c granola cereal with 1/2c almond milk
*This totally hit the spot

Dinner:

-1c TJ's fried rice with 1c stir fry vegetables and 1 serving chicken/veggie dumplings with 2 tbsp soy sauce
*Really yummy. I didn't add chicken and I used soy sauce instead of stir fry sauce for a reduction in calories. It was really good this way.

*I don't think this picture does it justice!

Snack:

-1 serving TJ's frozen chocolate-covered banana slices
*Totally what I was craving.

Water:

-2 Bottles

Exercise:

-Crossfit: 4 workouts, 10 reps each, every 2 minutes for 20 minutes.
*I wanted to die lol. My arms felt like they were made of jello by the end!
-Spin Class: 1 hour
*I have a LOT on my plate right now, so all I did was think of my "to-do" list in my head throughout class. It was over before I knew it!

Feeling awesome! Really really glad I was able to really push myself back on track. I'm in a really good mood about it!

Day 80

Alright so I think I've been having a little trouble this last week and a half. It seems to me I'm losing sight of what I'm trying to achieve. Here are the problems I've been noticing: 1) I'm eating more each day than I want to 2) I'm going out to eat more often than I'd like 3) I should be going to the gym more 4) I'm relying on prepared/prepackaged foods too much (granted they are healthy ones, but still.) 5) The water intake needs to be higher.

Let's discuss these points shall we? The trouble started around the week of my Nonna's birthday... remember when I had a ton of parties to attend? So it's been about 2 weeks of trouble now. I initially turned down offers to go out to dinner or to bars...I notice that I'm not turning them down anymore. That has to change. I was good about sticking to my guns and my friends were awesome about being understanding. I need that to continue. The problem is that I was getting asked out AFTER I already ate dinner, which resulted in some weird sort of "fourthmeal" as Taco Bell would put it. If I were at home, I wouldn't need to eat again but even being out in a restaurant environment causes the urge to eat more. Also, I'm glad that I don't punish myself for eating poorly but I think I've been TOO lenient. It IS ok to mess up...on occasion...but my mistakes are being made too frequently now. I need to work on my self control. Now I wasn't counting calories this entire time, but based on what I was eating it appears as if I was averaging about 1200-1500 a day. However with the parties and the dinners, it looks like I'm at or past the 2000 calorie mark. Which isn't AWFUL, but it's enough to hinder my weight loss progress. Now I weighed myself today and I haven't gained any weight in 2 weeks...but I haven't lost ANY, either, which is a bit sad because that could have been another couple of pounds down. Oh well. OK that was points 1 and 2. On to point 3. The gym I attend for spin etc was on spring break the week of the family parties so class wasn't offered. That should not have been an excuse to stop going. And while I was religious in my attendance at Crossfit, those workouts are supplemental and should not be relied upon as my sole means of exercise. I made a promise to myself to "gym it" Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday to the best of my ability, which I haven't been sticking with. I am still consistent with the crossfit workouts, but I need to keep my commitment to spin, and Friday/Sunday cardio sessions. No slacking!!! OK 4th point. Trader Joe's is my savior. Yes. But I notice that most of my meals are either fully or partially made with a prepared TJ's product. In the first stages of my diet I was cooking everything by hand - plain chicken, seasoned with veggies and minimal sauces. The TJ's frozen meals were really only supposed to be used anytime I was in a time crunch, which is currently not the case. Time to tone it down back to how I was eating when I first started all this!! And lastly, I am NOT drinking the amount of water I should be. Now I know I don't always have to meet a HUGE daily quota but lots of days I'm not drinking any at all...I need to get back to continuously hydrating. It's SO IMPORTANT! So tomorrow, I'm going to run through this whole checklist again to make sure I've met my daily criteria :-)

Now on to what I ate today. I went out (of course) for a friend's birthday to a family-style dinner at an italian restaurant. We all gorged ourselves and totally enjoyed it. But tomorrow is going to be crackdown day!!! I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, I woke up late and didn't eat until dinner at the restaurant. It went on for 3 hours so it included dinner and dessert essentially. FYI.

Snack(?):

-Starbucks Caramel Macchiato (tall) - no additional sweeteners added.

Dinner:

*Appetizers:
-Some italian bread with olive oil
-Some fried calamari with marinara sauce
-Some caesar salad
-Tomato and Mozzarella salad

*Entrees:
-1/2 chicken parm cutlet
-Serving of rigatoni with vodka sauce
-2 pieces of cheese ravioli with pesto cream and marinara sauce
-A Mojito
-2 unsweetened iced teas with sweet 'n low.

*Dessert:
-Pretty decent sized piece of tiramisu
-2 sugar-free cookies
-Small slice of chocolate cake

I obviously did not eat well. There were fried foods, fatty cheeses and creamy sauces. And while it DOES look like a lot of food, you can't begin to imagine how much I would have eaten in the past. I have the appetite of a 20-something man, so the fact that I stuck to 1 small portion of each item was kind of a big deal! And I didn't leave feeling like I was going to vomit, which is the usual feeling I have when I leave a restaurant!

I obviously have some reality-checking to do, but I'm glad I caught myself mid-catastrophe and know what needs to be done before I "relapse"! It's always good to have a chance to right your path! Tomorrow is a new day, a better day, and, I'm sure, a healthier day!

Days 78 & 79

Man oh man...yesterday wasn't bad, but today wasn't good. I won't go into detail because it's really late and I'm exhausted and I would rather not post but I didn't post last night and I will never go more than 2 days without updating! Here is what I ate:

Day 78 (Friday)

Breakfast:

-1 TJ's granola bar

Lunch:

-TJ's Mac 'n Cheese with 2 oz turkey kielbasa

Snack:

-1 macintosh apple with 2 tbsp peanut butter

Dinner:

-1c TJ's fried rice with 1c stir-fry veggies and 7 chicken veggie dumplings
-2 tbsp TJ's stir fry sauce

2nd Dinner:

-Hooters: Grilled chicken garden salad with light ranch dressing
-Unsweetened iced tea

I did go to Crossfit to work out thank god...I worked my ass off. And I'm glad I got the salad at hooters, it was difficult watching everyone else eat wings and I  had to settle for salad!

Day 79 (Saturday)

Breakfast:

-2 kashi 7-grain waffles with 1/4c sugar-free syrup and 1/4c frozen strawberries
-1/4c almond milk

Lunch:

-TJ's Mac 'n Cheese with 2 oz turkey kielbasa (hilshire farms this time)

Snack:

-1 banana

Dinner:

-1c TJ's fried rice with 1c stir-fry veggies and 7 chicken veggie dumplings
-2 tbsp TJ's stir-fry sauce

Late night out:

-1 miller light (actuallly only had half of a bottle)
-1 cheeseburger with lettuce, onion, tomato, ketchup and a tiny bit of mayo on a bun
-3 forkfuls of cole slaw
-1/2 pickle

Not about to analyze all this now. So tired. Have many thoughts though, all of which will be explained tomorrow. NIGHT!!!

Day 77

Another good day. Well 99% good. Had a little trouble at night when I was at my friend's house. Still working on the outside influence/willpower thing. Eating well is SO easy when I'm alone by myself haha. I worked most of the day and was kept pretty busy so the food part of it wasn't hard in the least. I could have drank more water (actually, I didn't drink any) but the eating was easy. I then went to my friends house and had a fairly large glass of wine (calorie count? anyone?) and had ONE curly fry with cheese. Hell, 1 is better than a tub-full right? So like I said, 99% good. Here is what I did eat:

Breakfast:

-2 slices whole grain toast with 1 tbsp low-sugar pb and 1 tbsp homemade jam

*Kind of annoyed my family bought different bread this time. I didn't like it as much.

-1 cup almond milk

*Almost out so I asked my mom to replenish. God forbid she buy the RIGHT one! This is the 2nd time she's gotten it wrong. 3rd times a charm?

Lunch:

-TJ's chicken enchiladas

*SO GOOD! But higher in calories than I would have liked...the cheese ones are even worse. I bought them unfortunately without reading the label :-(

Snack:

-1 sugar-free chocolate pudding

*Yum, duh

Dinner:

-1cup TJ's turkey chili on a whole grain bun

This was good, like a sloppy joe.

-1 curly fry with cheese

*Like I said, 1 is better than many!

-1 glass of wine

*Was delicious though.

Could have done a wee bit better but could have done SO MUCH WORSE! I'm looking forward to a 9:30am trek to belmar where SOMEONE is going to get their ass kicked! (-me-). 

Day 76

Ugh FINALLY back on track! For real this time! Feels good to be eating "normally" and to work out again. I planned out my food, spaced them accordingly and drank a good amount of water. I also went to Crossfit today for the first time in a full week and I'm pretty sure this was my hardest session. I am in so many forms of pain right now lol...I don't think there's a part of my body that doesn't currently hurt. I can't even begin to explain the exercises we did because there were many, but it consisted of switching from one , to another, to another, Starting at 10 reps a round, then 9 reps a round, then 8, etc. until we were finally finished. And for as much trouble as I had, I 1) Actually DID complete it and do what was required and 2) DIDN'T finish last. Now it wasn't a race by any means, but I'm always "that girl" that is far behind everyone else. Except for this time, that is! Really happy about it. Anyway, here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-1 egg, scrambled 
-2 slices turkey bacon
-1 TJ's hash brown
-1.5tsp ketchup
*ALWAYS GOOD haha

Lunch:

-TJ's frozen Mac 'n Cheese with 2oz turkey kielbasa cut up in it
*Oh man this one makes me feel like a kid again. It's seriously becoming a favorite. And for those of you who are questioning my choice of Mac 'n Cheese as someone who is watching what they eat, I will have you know that TJ's is probably the only brand of Mac 'n Cheese I will venture eat because there is NOTHING artificial in it and the list of ingredients isn't long at all. I do kind of wish they made whole wheat mac 'n cheese though. That would surely be a step up.

Dinner:

-1 TJ's panko-breaded tilapia fillet
-1 serving TJ's mashed potatoes
-6 small asparagus spears

*Good, hearty and filling! And good to have some fish! (Unfortunately I don't score any bonus points for plate presentation haha)

Snack:

-2 small servings of assorted TJ's dark chocolates
*Ah, chocolate :-)

YESSSS finally doing ok. Now I have dinner plans on sunday, and I would like to be able to moderately enjoy myself then, so until Sunday I am going to make sure I am 100% completely on track, no ifs, ands or buts! :-)

Days 74 & 75

Alright so I have some days to make up for on here...I just got to bed so late last night...I can't really write when I'm that tired and I would rather delay the blog for the sake of quality.

Day 74 (Monday)

Since I couldn't go to crossfit on monday, I planned on going to spin at night instead. It has been 2 weeks since I've attended a spin class since Rider was on spring break...The class proved to be super tough. It's one of those kinds of workouts that you really need to keep up with, and there is so much strength and control needed in the legs that if you slack for even 2 weeks getting back on the bike is not an easy task! I normally can do everything the instructor asks of us...stand, sit, etc...this time towards the end I really couldn't handle it and had to sit for the rest of the class...granted i still made sure to keep my legs moving and still had resistance on the bike, but I just didn't have the strength to keep a standing position for as long as she wanted us to. I was disappointed that I couldn't just jump right back in, especially since I had eaten so poorly over the last few days and had really wanted to kick some ass in spin. Oh well...hopefully I'll work out enough this week that by the time spin comes around again on monday I won't have any trouble keeping up...my eating was good though. I was determined to not let that falter since I had a rough few days of food! (ok, ok...DELICIOUS but rough still). I did redeem myself a little bit by having an unexpected zumba workout in the morning though. My aunt got a at-home zumba kit/dvd set for her birthday and since I was there and she knew i liked to work out she popped it in...it was just the intro dvd where they teach you the moves but i worked up a sweat! it was a 45 minute video and cardio-intensive for sure. But a good way to get depressed is to look at the female instructor's body then look down at your own and sigh in disappointment haha.

Here is what I ate:

Breakfast:

-TJ's granola bar
-cup of coffee with 1/4c fat-free milk and 1 sweet & low
*Was at my aunt's house in the early a.m. so i brought the bar along with me and she provided the coffee!

Snack:

-1 fat-free greek yogurt
-a couple strawberries
*Was still at my aunt's house this morning and was starving by this point (and after having done zumba) so she provided this snack...good thing she's on a healthy eating kick too, it was easy to find a nutritious snack!

Lunch:

-1c turkey chili
-1/4c brown rice
*Yummy and really filling

Unfortunately, some foods are just not photogenic. It tasted much better than it looks haha.

Snack:

-1/2c TJ's rice pudding
-1/2 banana
*YUM.

Dinner:

-6 small square slices of pizza: whole wheat thin crust, fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, basil & pesto
-Unsweetened iced tea
*It took all my willpower to not devour the entire pie. Sounds like a big task but the slices were so tiny and the crust so thin that anyone in their 20s could easily polish off a pie single-handedly.

Monday was a good eating day. I wish working out had been a bit more fruitful but I know I will eventually get to the point where a few days of not working out won't affect me at all. For now, I'll have to settle for a rough transition!

Day 75 (Tuesday)

Today started out just fine and didn't turn out so well. I had all my food planned and put in my lunchbox. The first trial of the day was the fact that i had to work all day, and we all know how that turns out! I always eat everything too soon. I still had difficulty today, but I tried a friend's advice and ate half of each meal every 2 hours to try and make it last longer. It helped a little bit but because I was splitting my meals in half i felt deprived as i was eating since the serving was just so tiny! I really just need to keep preoccupied somehow. Anyway, like I said it started out ok, and I had plans tonight to go out for coffee, which I had also taken into consideration when I planned out my meals. However, when she called to firm up plans she also asked if I wanted to meet for dinner first. Why couldn't I just say no? How do you say "i would, but i have my meals all planned out for the day and will finish the last of it in a half hour"? Instead, of course, I said "sure" and ended up going to dinner, which then led to dessert and coffee so i pretty much blew it. I know I've been good about focusing on the positive and commending myself on what I've done right, but this was just stupid. I was doing so well. However I'm happy that tomorrow is a "me" day (meaning no hangouts or similar outside influences) so it will kind of be like a detox...plus I go to Crossfit tomorrow and I know rob will kick my behind so I'm looking forward to being ridiculously good tomorrow.

Here is what I ate today (you will see it get progressively worse as the night goes on haha)

Breakfast:

-1 TJ's "apple blossom"
-1/2c almond milk
*Finally rid of these apple blossoms. Although they were tasty.

Snack:

-1/2c TJ's rice pudding
*Unfortunately this was also the last of it. Note to self, a small tub of this pudding only contains 4 servings haha.

Lunch:

-7 TJ's chicken & veggie dumplings with 1 tbsp soy sauce
-1/2c TJ's veggie fried rice
*Very good, the rice is just ok though...I think once I'm finished with it I'll settle for just plain brown rice.

Dinner:

-3 slices leftover pizza (thin crust from yesterday)
*Delicious of course.

2nd dinner?!?!:

-3 soft fish tacos (baked fish, green salsa, lettuce tomatoes)
-refried beans and rice
*This was just ok. It was fresh and homemade from the Mexican restaurant in princeton I've been going to lately so it didn't taste commercial...and unfortunately for me to like a fish dish I think it has to be disguised and this was not lol

Dessert:

-1 large decaf cappuccino with 2 sweet & lows
-4 italian layer cookies
*Worth every calorie but still an awful choice. The coffee alone should have been my only sweet treat!

Drinks:

-1/2 bottle water
-1 large cup of lemon zinger hot tea with 1 sweet & low

As you can see, it just ended up downhill. I'm not proud, although I think I made a decent dinner choice compared to what else was offered on the menu (I made sure mine had no cheese or creamy sauce of any kind) but i definitely could have done without the beans & rice. I did leave one soft taco shell on the plate and just ate what was inside haha. But when I'm out with friends it's basically almost impossible to make smart decisions. And I can't even use peer pressure as an excuse because not a single one of my friends wants me to fail! I guess I just need to be more honest and be able to say "no" if I already have a set plan for the day/night. Oh well, looking forward to tomorrow as a "detox day" lol.

Day 73

I never thought I would ever say this, but it feels GREAT to be back on track! No more fullness, indigestion, gross feeling! I also feel like it's been AGES since I worked out since Wednesday was the last time I was at the gym! Can't wait to start SWEATING again! Can't believe I'm looking forward to it! Who AM i??? Really glad I was able to recover from this week, family parties are the worst! (for eating i mean). I was really good today, especially despite the fact that I really didn't keep myself busy at all. I did go food shopping, which is always a plus. TJ's, of course. Here is what I bought:

-Mashed potatoes (ran out the other day!)
-Frozen cheese enchiladas
-frozen chicken enchiladas
-2 boxes frozen mac 'n cheese ("guilt-free" as it says on the box)
-1 box regular mac 'n cheese (all natural, 5 ingredients of course!)
-Frozen veggie fried rice
-Stir Fry veggies
-Hash browns (had to restock)
-Veggie dumplings
-Granola bars
-Rice pudding
-Frozen baked ziti
-A can of turkey chili (figured i can eat it by itself or over brown rice!)
-Mango black tea (getting kind of tired of the green tea!)

I only spent $30!! I don't know HOW I managed to do that but I'm glad I did! Now I just have to hit up shoprite tomorrow for more Turkey kielbasa, regular chicken, kashi waffles and sugar free syrup. I'm pretty sure that's all I need to get and I'll be set...my shopping trips last me about 2 weeks. I am shopping for one person, after all. I get excited every time I shop because I'm always thinking up new meal ideas in my head! Can't wait to start putting stuff together!

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-2 TJ's blueberry waffles with 1/4c blueberries, 1/2 banana and 1/4c sugar-free syrup
-1/2c almond milk
*This combination is always good. But this was my last set of waffles, so I'll be replenishing tomorrow!

Lunch:

-1 Frozen TJ's veggie pizza
*I don't know why I keep buying this, I'm not too crazy about it. I finally wised-up and didn't get it during today's TJ's trip.

Snack:

-1/2c TJ's rice pudding with a couple banana slices
*AHHH this was so good! The banana slices were good too but unnecessary. The pudding is filling all by itself.

Dinner:

-1 packet TJ's mac 'n cheese with 2oz turkey kielbasa put in:
*This is so good. I feel like I'm pigging out but I'm not. Normally it would be Kraft Mac 'n Cheese with full-on hot dogs but this is like a grown up version of the meal. And healthy. And delicious.

Snack:

-1 TJ's "apple blossom" 
-1/2c almond milk
*The apple blossom is kind of like a little individual apple turnover-type thing. Super delicious! A few more calories than I'd like for a snack, and I don't plan on buying them again because they are kind of calorie-heavy...BUT I bought them 2 weeks ago so I have to eat them SOMEtime haha.

Drinks:

-1 glass water
-1 mug hot mango black tea
*This tea was yummy. And I def need to get back in to large amounts of water again!

So glad I did well! AND that it was easy! I'm so happy that transitioning from crappy eating to healthy eating isn't difficult the way it was before! Granted I know I still have temptation issues because I can't seem to help myself when I'm surrounded by fattening foods, but since those days aren't frequent I'm ok with it and I know that self control will come gradually. And even though I DID eat a lot this weekend, believe it or not it was still less than I would have normally eaten at those parties! Now tomorrow I unfortunately am not able to make it to Crossfit but I will be going to spin class so that's a plus! Last week was spring break so my gym didn't have spin so it has been 2 full weeks since I've been on that bike! Tomorrow's class will surely prove difficult but I'm up for the challenge. 

Days 71 & 72

The last couple of days were filled with lots of sugary and fattening foods...we had multiple large family parties and I didn't hold back. I will try to document everything as best as I can, there was a LOT of food eaten!

Day 71 (Friday)

Friday started out just fine...I had every intention of eating well throughout the day, knowing that I had a birthday party to attend. I wanted to keep it light until the party, and then once there eat in moderation. It didn't COMPLETELY happen that way. I did start off light, and even at the party I started out ok. Ate in moderation, declined alcohol, drank lots of water. And then the good stuff came out. Zeppoles (kind of like fried, powdered italian doughnuts), italian cookies (including the 7-layer ones i'm so fond of) and Tiramisu!   To be honest, even though I ate a lot I'm happy that I was able to enjoy the party with a smile on my face, instead of sitting there with a scowl because I felt resentment for not being able to eat any of the delicious food. In fact, after eating it all it just made me look forward to my monday workout! And I really did have a great time at the party...family and food is a winning combination. Here is what I ate on Friday:

Breakfast:

-1 scrambled egg, 1 TJ's hash brown, 3 strips turkey bacon and 1 tbsp ketchup
-1/2c almond milk

Lunch:

-1 veggie burger on a whole wheat bun with 1 tbsp ketchup

Dinner:

-2 pieces pepper, olive & mushroom pizza
-some salad

Dessert:

-a bunch of zeppoles. 
*couldn't tell you how many. maybe 10? they are about the size of a donut hole, in case you are wondering.
-(3) 7-layer cookies
-1 piece of tiramisu

soooo muuuuch fooood. i was so full by the end of the night! and super thirsty too! So Friday wasn't really good at all. But that was nothing compared to today...

Day 72 (Saturday)

Today was my Nonna's 90th birthday celebration. Every single solitary cousin on my Dad's side was accounted for. It was a huge, loud, fun bash. We danced, drank and ate. What i'm about to list is a good example of how we eat when we are all together as a family. This is to give you all an idea of the eating habits I am normally prone to so you can see the joy of food that my family and I share:

Breakfast:

-TJ's granola bar

Lunch/Dinner/Dessert:

-Some pieces of italian bread dipped in olive oil
-some tomato & fresh mozzarella with balsamic vinegar
-Salad with italian dressing
-Pasta with marinara sauce
-Veal Marsala
-Some hershey kisses
-Some sugar-coated almonds
-Some more bread
-1 glass of champagne
-Cheesecake
-Tiramisu
-Birthday cake
-Coffee with cream and sweet & low

That was just at the hall...we then all headed back to my aunt's house, where my dad suggested we have "snacks" for everybody...that's right, snacks, despite the fact that we just ate enough for 2 days...so we went out and got snacks...

-A tray of Zeppole
-8 Calzones
-1 box of Italian cookies

I had plenty of each of these things. We thought we bought too much for everyone, but an hour in everything was wiped clean. THIS IS HOW MY FAMILY EATS! The funny part is my dad's side of the family is really lean so they can EAT all this crap and still look fit! I guess I got the genes from the other side of the family, haha. I listed everything above though so that you can see the emphasis my family puts on food as being a staple at any party. These types of family gatherings aren't THAT common, but they exist regardless! So you can see what I deal with when we do have family parties! Diets hardly stand a chance! haha. But it's ok, I'll be good tomorrow and then monday it's back to working out, which I'm excited for! I want to undo what's been done! Looking forward to it :-)

Day 70

Today proved to not be as easy as expected. The first half of the day wasn't bad at all...I kept myself occupied at work and the spacing of my meals was right on. However by the time I got out of work I was extremely hungry because I didn't plan on staying as late and therefore had not prepared a dinner. I ended up at my friend's house for a brief amount of time, where she had just ordered a pizza. I was aware that I was going out to dinner yet again later on, so in order to not overeat at the restaurant, I helped myself to a slice of plain pizza. About an hour later I ended up at Chili's with my sister. They are notorious for being one of the unhealthiest food chains around, but I did find one item that was on the "guiltless grill" meaning it was lower in calories and fat than some of their other menu items. I ate half and packed the other half away for lunch tomorrow. I did have a beer, it is St. Patty's day after all, but I kept it to one bottle of a light beer. I did skimp on the water today...in fact, I have not drank any at all so far, but I have a huge bottle sitting next to me right now, and have some computer work to do, so I will be sipping, sipping, sipping as the night progresses. Even though it is already midnight. Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-1 packet plain oatmeal with some strawberries and half a banana
*This is always delicious, quick, filling and nutritious.

Lunch:

-Leftovers: 1/2 portion of the Chicken Milanese from last night at Uno's.

Snack:

-1 sugar free chocolate pudding with half a banana
*My friend was fascinated to see me dipping the banana in the pudding. It was delicious though.
-A few sips of coconut water
*I have decided I'm not a huge fan of this. It's an acquired taste and wreaked some havoc on my tum tum.

Snack:

-1 Slice plain pizza

Dinner:

-1/2 Santa Fe Chicken Wrap (wrap, grilled chicken, lettuce, tomato, corn, light ranch, tortilla strips)
*Wrap was great! Glad I only ate half. This will make a  yummy lunch tomorrow!
-Broccoli
-1 Bud light lime
*Haven't had a beer in quite some time. It tasted good and wasn't too filling since it was light.

It's funny how as I'm eating I always tend to think I'm overeating...but then when I go back and document my daily meals, it always turns out to be not so much after all. Tomorrow is yet another birthday party, pizza being the only entree on the menu...that will make a third day in a row of pizza. And, being a birthday party, there will surely be cake. I won't go so far as to predict whether or not I will eat any, but I know it could go either way at this point. I am positive, however, that up until the party tomorrow night, I will do my absolute best to keep my meals light and my water intake heavy. I anticipate Saturday being the most difficult day this week. A sit-down dinner at a nice restaurant followed by an after-party? Also, Rob can't train me tomorrow, and I won't be able to get there on saturday, so we'll have to postpone our next workout until monday. But it's OK! Monday will be the beginning of a kick-ass week, I just know it!

Day 69

You know, despite the excessive running around and "partying" I did today, I actually did pretty well. I found a way to combine realistic eating with healthy eating in a way that worked for me, and I'm really proud that I had the ability to do that. In fact, I think I'm happier than if I had willed myself to eat plain all day...if that were the case, right now I'd probably be subconsciously angry and resentful of the fact that i couldn't feel like a "normal" 25 year old and be able to enjoy a party with friends or family. But these feelings are the end result of my day. Allow me to provide some background.
This morning I worked out at CrossFit Belmar and knew that I would be going directly to my Aunt's house for my grandmother's birthday party. Now I only eat breakfast AFTER a morning workout, and today I wanted to make it an especially small meal since I knew I'd be partying...so after working out I drank half a Naked juice and some coconut water followed by about 25oz water. When I got to my Aunt's house it was 10:30 and the food wasn't coming until 1, so at 11:30 I had a cup of coffee, since coffee keeps me full. She put some healthy snacks on the table and I grabbed a handful, so that by the time the food came at 1 I wasn't really too hungry so I only ate a little bit. About 2 hours later we had dessert, and I a tiny bit of it. I then drove to work, and I was only a little hungry, but since I knew I'd be going out at around 10 I wanted something to hold me over so that I wouldn't overeat at the restaurant. So at work I grabbed a small amount of food. Then after work I did go out, and as soon as I ordered my food I asked for a to-go box and immediately put half of it aside for tomorrow. I did eat dessert, but it was a "mini" size as opposed to overindulging in one of those huge dessert portions that chain restaurants are so well-known for. All the while I kept drinking water or unsweetened iced tea, and kept my portions small. It was in this way that I was able to 1) eat healthier versions of what I already like to eat 2) eat constantly throughout the day and 3) Not feel like I was depriving myself in any way.
In a somewhat related note, I was explaining to a friend at dinner tonight how I am having a much easier time with this "diet" than in the past, since I've learned to forgive myself and accept the bad choices I make as inevitable and minor in the long run. This has been a recurring theme in my blog. Tonight I came home to an email from a friend of mine who found an article with scary similarities to what I have been saying these past 2 months. The article is HERE if you want to read it. It basically talks about how the key to success in any goal (dieting, exercising, etc) may be to be easier on yourself and forgive yourself rather than criticize yourself or feel guilty about "bad" behaviors. It was really interesting and I found myself smiling as I was reading it because of how much I agreed with what the author was saying. In the past I can honestly say I might have shrugged off her research or skipped over the article entirely. But seeing what a tremendous effect my positivity has had on my weight loss really leads me to agree wholeheartedly with what the author had to say. I highly suggest you read it, as much of her article is able to put into words what I cannot.

Anyway, now that I've given you the full backstory, here is what I ate today:

Post-workout breakfast:

-8oz Naked juice
*This is actually the first fruit juice I have drank in 2 months! Crazy! But also delicious.
-8oz pure coconut water
*Sweeter than I expected it to me. This was my first time trying this. It's supposed to have a crazy amount of electrolytes, so I wanted to drink it after my workout. I liked it!

Mid-morning snack:

-1 c coffee with 2 tbsp french vanilla creamer and 1 sweet & low
*My aunt has the most packed fridge I have ever seen in my life. The first dairy product I saw was the vanilla creamer so that's what I used. I also made sure to drink caffeinated coffee because as much as I know it makes me freak out, I knew it would keep me fuller.

Snack:

-Some (not sure how many really) "veggie straws"
*So addicting! But a MUCH better choice compared to the party mix and nacho chips on the table!

Lunch:

-1 small piece of grilled chicken with broccoli rabe, peppers, onions & mushrooms
*This was really good!
-1 small square piece of plain pizza
*No idea how bad or good this is for me, but at least it was a small piece.

Dessert:

-3 (small) forkfuls of plain white cake
*Better than eating a whole slice! My sister was kind enough to take the rest off my hands :-)

Dinner:

-Salad (lettuce, tomato, onion, olive, mozzarella) with balsamic vinegar
*Always good
-1 slice of tomato pizza (NO CHEESE)
*Lucked out in finding that the tomato pie hadn't been totally devoured yet!

Late-night meal (Uno's)

-Chicken milanese (breaded cutlet, lettuce, katamala olives, onions, tomatoes with balsamic vinegar)
 *(2 servings on the plate, I ate one and packed up the other) Packing it away immediately was such a good decision. Plus the friends I was with were super supportive of my eating/ordering/packing strategy.
-1 mini apple-crumb dessert
*REALLY wanted this. Had a talk about ice cream at work today and I left work REALLY wanting ice cream. Glad that I limited myself to the mini version. And you know what's great? Left the restaurant NOT feeling like I was going to explode!
-Unsweetened iced tea

Water:

-50oz
*So I read in an article last night that in order to determine the amount of water you should consume throughout the day, you take your weight, divide it in half, and that's the # of ounces you should drink a day. I'm 180 (rounded of course) so I should be drinking about 90oz a day. I have a 50oz bottle that I keep refilling, unfortunately I only got through one today. I can't drink to much when I don't have access to a bathroom!

Exercise:

-Crossfit: 30 min
*SOOOO tough! My left arm is such a weakling!

See? Really not so bad at all. I ate light at each meal and ate frequently. The worst thing really was that apple-crumb dessert and the forkfuls of cake. I also am kind of clueless as to the nutritional value of pizza. I should probably educate myself on that. Anyway, tomorrow won't be hard, but friday and saturday may prove difficult as well. But I know that if I was able to deal with today as well as I did, then the other two days probably won't be so bad at all!

Day 68

Still going strong! I'm trying to be really good this week because I have a LOT of potentially unhealthy days coming up. I know I mentioned this yesterday but one more has now been added to the list. Tomorrow during the day I'm going to my aunt's house for a lunch, tomorrow night going out for a friend's birthday, friday another birthday party and saturday yet another birthday party at a nice restaurant. It's going to be REALLY tough. The best I can do is just try my hardest to exhibit as much willpower as possible. Pizza is on the menu for friday night, so I'm going to have no choice in that matter. And if we go out to a restaurant tomorrow night I can order something "smart"...but as far as lunch tomorrow and the sit-down birthday party on saturday I'm not really sure what to expect! I just really need to hang tough. This week is truly going to be the ultimate test! ::fingers crossed:: I worked all day today, and worked on my eating self-control. I drank some coffee in between breakfast and lunch so that helped hold me over for a while. I had a snack after lunch, but soon enough i had the urge to eat again. So I ate half my dinner planning to eat the other half hours later. But it was kind of gross, so i ate the first half, then a few hours later i ate something different for dinner, followed by a snack. I also made sure to drink a LOT of water today to make up for not drinking enough the last couple days. I'm also going to the gym tomorrow morning so I want to make sure I am hydrated! Tomorrow is going to be a busy day...9:30am crossfit in belmar, straight to my aunt's house for lunch, then off to the arena for work, then out for my friend's birthday. at least i'll be staying active all day haha.

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-2 TJ's blueberry waffles with 1/4c sugar-free syrup and 2 pieces turkey bacon
-1/2c almond milk
*Finally got the almond milk replenished! Also I'm loving this turkey bacon more and more each day! It's so so so good. The first day or two I had to get used to it and now it just tastes like regular bacon to me.

Snack:

-1 cup coffee with 2 tbsp bailey's coffee creamer and 1 sweet & low
*This was just ok. The creamer wasn't as delicious as I expected it to be, and it definitely wasn't worth the extra calories. I'd rather just stick to my fat free half & half from now on!

Lunch:

-1 piece of grilled chicken with 1 piece lowfat swiss, 2 pieces turkey bacon and 1 tbsp bbq sauce on a whole wheat roll
*Ha it seems every week I have a new favorite combination. This is this week's favorite, I'm just LOVING it!

Snack:

-1 Chocolate sugar-free pudding cup

1st part of dinner:

-SMALL serving of chicken stir fry: chicken, veggies and a little stir-fry sauce
*Gross. Will explain more if you scroll down.

Actual dinner:

-1 TJ's frozen panko-breaded tilapia fillet
-1 serving TJs mashed potatoes
*I LOVE this. It's great because I am not a big fish person but this is delicious enough for me to get some fish into my diet. And the potatoes are always a perfect side dish.

Snack:

-1 piece whole grain toast with 1 tbsp peanut butter and 1 tsp homemade peach jam
*yummmm. I used less jam this time, I didn't need a full 2 tsp yesterday. Also I think next time I'm going to try less PB as well. This is just a snack, after all.

Water:

-73oz...so like a little over 2 liters.

Overall I think I did well, the stir fry is gross unless I make it fresh. I've made the same mistake like 3 times already. Plus, as I've mentioned before I'm really bad with the whole "shelf-life" concept and the veggies i used are NOT EDIBLE lol. Note to self haha. Anyway, on the whole I did just fine especially with the water consumption! Yesss...Ok well I'm off for now but I hope I do ok tomorrow!!!

Day 67

Out of all the positive things that have come out of this project, I'd say being able to accept mistakes and move on is (aside from losing weight) is the biggest benefit. I can honestly admit that without this ability there is no way I would have made it through this far! Acceptance and forgiveness is key to allowing myself to continue and not feel bad about mistakes I've made. The fact that I ate buffalo wings last night and was able to return to my normal eating routine today is phenomenal. Really it is. I had another kick ass workout this morning, did a series of workouts (30 sec workout, 30 sec rest) for 6 min, then took a minute rest and did it all over again, a total of 3 times. Totally kicking my behind but it feels great afterwards. Anyway, here is what I ate today:

Post-workout snack:

-1 TJs trail mix bar
*ALWAYS need something small after working out since I don't eat beforehand. I have a long drive home from crossfit so I need something to hold me over!

Breakfast:

-1 egg, scrambled
-1 TJs frozen hash brown
-2 pieces turkey bacon
-1 tbsp ketchup
*This was all so good. The eggs cooked up REALLY well this time and my mom thinks it's because they were organic eggs or something with extra omega-3 added...either way it was perfect...here's a pic!

Lunch:

-TJ's frozen baked ziti
*This was probably one of the best frozen pasta dishes i've ever eaten. Real italian marinara sauce has 6 basic ingredients: tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, basil, salt & pepper. However any frozen or jarred sauce i've eaten clearly has sugar, oregano and a BOATLOAD of other shitty additives...this frozen baked ziti smelled and tasted like the sunday sauce my dad makes...very pure and just the 6 ingredients i listed. I loved it!

Dinner:

-1 slice whole grain toast with 1 tbsp peanut butter and 2 tsp homemade peach jam
-1c coffee with 2 tbsp fat-free half & half and 1 sweet & low
*I wasn't really that hungry and wanted something sweet so I had a nice cup of coffee & a half-serving pb&j. It was so good.

Snack:

-Healthy nachos: 7 kashi crackers (like triscuits) with 1/4c lowfat cheddar melted on top and 2 tbsp salsa
*meh. I improvised.

Water:

-1/2 bottle
*Seriously need to make up for this tomorrow.

Exercise:

-Crossfit: 30 min

I'm sure tomorrow will be another good day...except it's a long work day so i have to exercise control and work on some meal-spacing techniques! Wednesday night i'm going out for a friend's birthday so i would like to try to find out where i'm going beforehand so i can look up nutrition facts and be smart about it...then friday AND saturday I have dinner plans once again so i need to be careful STILL! It is going to be a tough week but I KNOW i can do it!

Day 66

Still going strong, went out to eat tonight and indulged myself, actually didn't feel good afterwards...I guess i'm not used to eating food that's heavy or that has lots of oil or butter? I went to hooters and had wings lol. Not the smartest choice but if I don't allow myself a day or two to kind of have what i want then I go crazy. I mean I don't actually need to justify it, this has been my strategy for 2 months now and it's worked so far...and guess what??! DOWN IN THE 170s!!!! FINALLY!! ok, so 179 but STILL it counts! Can't believe it! I haven't seen the 170s in the LONGEST time! So I'm really pumped about this. I didn't get to the gym today, daylight savings really effed up my sleep...my alarm went off at 9am and i kind of laughed to myself like YEA RIGHT and shut it off and kept on sleeping. It's ok, going to crossfit tomorrow at 9:30 so that will start my day off on the right foot! I also might play tennis tomorrow (fingers crossed) so I'm hoping that the weather is nice and that my friend is free to play! Alright I'm tired so I'm going to keep this short, here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-1 packet plain oatmeal with some blueberries & strawberries
*Frozen fruit is not as yummy with the oatmeal :-(

Lunch:

-grilled chicken with 1 slice lowfat swiss, 2 slices turkey bacon & 1 tbsp bbq sauce on whole wheat bun
*This was soooooo good.

Snack:

-1/4 of an apple with 1 tbsp low sugar peanut butter
*I love peanut butter.

Dinner:

-6 hooters wings with a little ranch dressing
-1 small cup of baked beans
-unsweetened iced tea
*This was just ok. Actually pictured it to be more delicious in my head. The wings tasted really processed...I wonder if this is because i've been eating everything pure?

So dinner was kind of a whopper but I didn't eat much all day...stuck with the 3 meals and a snack thing. Didn't drink much else other than the iced tea...but I made sure not to sweeten it. Anyway, tomorrow will be healthy and active! Looking forward to it!

Day 65

I was kept really busy today, so I did really well...and I stayed pretty active at work so I'm sure that helped...I stood up for hours with doing camera work (a few hours of which included standing with a camera on my shoulder for extended periods of time) and definitely felt it in my arms afterward! Also, since I was so busy and not sitting next to food all day I didn't think about eating until my stomach finally started growling...and since I was busy filming, I had no choice but to wait anyway. At one point my coworkers and I walked to Taco Bell and I sat and watched them eat all the food I used to binge on. It was really hard and I purposely didn't bring my wallet with me for fear that I'd cave and buy something. It's funny how I can sit there, acknowledge how unhealthy the food is especially compared to the way i'm eating now, and STILL want to stuff my face with it! Unbelievable. Anyway, since I DIDN'T mess up today, I'm proud to list what I did eat today:

Breakfast:

-2 TJ's blueberry waffles with 1/4c sugar-free syrup
*Good but I really don't like how they just fall apart after adding syrup! I think I may switch back to the Kashi waffles...

Lunch:

-2oz whole wheat pasta, 1/4c fresh tomato sauce, 2 oz tomato-marinated chicken, 1 tbsp grated parmesan
*This was good and filling. I'm really just trying my hardest to get rid of this damn chicken haha.

Snack:

-1 TJ's trail mix granola bar
*Nice & sweet.

Mini-Meal:

-2oz turkey kielbasa on a TJ's whole wheat roll with 1 tbsp deli mustard
*Good but doesn't keep me very full. Not sure why.

Mini-Meal:

-TJ's (frozen) black bean & corn enchiladas
*So good, especially since I had to torturously watch my friends eat Taco Bell today.
-1 glass of diet iced tea/water
*I really was craving something sweet to drink so I took a big glass, filled it halfway with diet iced tea and halfway with water...it was still really sweet this way! (PS the iced tea was sweetened with splenda).

So I noticed that the last couple days I've been eating "mini-meals"...this really happens on days when I'm not really able to fit snacks into my day, so instead of having 2 snacks i end up having 2 lower-calorie meals (under 300cal/each). If I hadn't done this, I would have eaten my last meal at 5, and I worked until 10 and am still up...I would have been starving and probably would have overeaten or made a poor decision if I tried too hard to not have something. I want to try and get to the gym tomorrow, I have work at 2 so I figure I can probably do noon gym trip and still have time to put a face on, get changed and make it to work without feeling rushed. This all hinges on being able to wake up in time to eat at 9, shower then make it to the gym by noon. i guess we'll see...I'm thinkin oatmeal for the morning, power through the workout. Maybe add some fruit? Yea...I guess we'll know how it all turned out by this time tomorrow night!

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Day 64

I hope these good days just keep coming! I know it's all under my control, but still, some days are much more difficult than others. I worked out today, and it was probably the hardest crossfit session I've had thus far. It was only a half hour (as the others have been), but it was a super-intense half hour. I was sweating like crazy, face was red and my limbs felt like jello! I loved it! Well, not AS I was doing it, but afterwards I felt great! I really pushed myself and did everything Rob asked of me...there was one exercise that was near impossible for me...but I powered through it and did it anyway. I hated it! The end result is worth it but my god it was tough...I can't even begin to explain it either...picture yourself in pushup position, arms locked. now envision that one of those arms, still locked, is actually palm-down on a sturdy kettlebell which is a few inches off the floor, so that your body is now on an incline being supported by one arm. Then take the other arm, grab a kettlebell and "row" it towards your body. See? Can't even explain it but it was ridiculous. ROUGH. Loved it afterward haha. Really felt like I accomplished something. Totally worth the 1 hr drive haha. I mean it's down by the shore anyways so as soon as it starts getting nice out I'm going for walks on the beach by myself! It will be so peaceful :-)

Anyway, here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-TJ's whole wheat blueberry waffles
-1/4c sugar-free syrup
-1/4c blueberries
*Waffles were delicious...but it's funny how "all-natural" waffles just turn into of piles of mush when you add syrup. I guess all the chemicals in eggo waffles is what keeps them in the shape of, well, waffles as you eat them!
-1/2c almond milk
*I sadly drank the last 1/2c in the container because my dad thinks it's cool to eat and drink the shit I buy for myself :-(

Lunch:

-1 2oz piece of chicken with 1tbsp TJs bbq sauce and 1/4c lowfat cheddar cheese
-1 serving of TJ's mashed potatoes
*Love forking the chicken and dipping it in the taters lol

MiniMeal:

-2oz turkey kielbasa on a TJ's whole wheat bun with 1 tbsp deli mustard
*Wanted something filling and substantial after the gym, but 5:30 was too early for me to eat a real dinner so I brought this along with me and ate it in the car right after working out.

Dinner:

-Diner Food: BLT on whole wheat toast, mayo on side (used only a TEASPOON), 1/4c cole slaw and a pickle
-1 small cup chicken soup
*Always delicious

Glad about the choices I made today! Yes, I went to the diner again but I've found that the BLT is my ultimate diner food. It's (mostly) lettuce & tomato, the bread is whole wheat, and while bacon isn't AWESOME it's better than a big burger or a club sandwich loaded with cheese meats and dressings. This time instead of having the mayo slathered on it I asked for it on the side and I only used a TEENY bit. Seriously. I asked for no side but they gave me the cole slaw anyways, but it was in a much smaller container than the diner the other day so I was fine eating it. I had a cup of soup too, and the choices were new england clam chowder or chicken soup...really a difference of a few hundred calories haha so i chose the chicken. I was starving before we got to the diner and as funny as it sounds a meal as "small" as this wouldn't have satisfied me previously...I was used to having a crock of french onion soup followed by a meatball parm sandwhich, fries, slaw, pickle and a few glasses of soda so this is a HUGE step up! Took some pictures of myself today, which I'll be putting side by side for comparison. I'll take a set every 2 months and keep putting them side by side so that by the end of all this I can see my progress over time...I think that would be fun!

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Day 63

I am finally out of my funk! Today was nothing but positivity and good feelings all around. Well except for the fact that I slept through my alarm and missed my 9am crossfit session :-( But consider it a blessing in disguise because I felt truly dead last night after spin and my abs were just in a ridiculous amount of pain. Now that I'm all healed I'm ready to work out tomorrow and at least I won't strain myself. I woke up around 10, ate a good filling breakfast, did some work and showered and by the time I got to work it was 3 already and I hadn't even thought about lunch since I was constantly doing something. I ate my lunch at 3, and immediately afterward I felt a craving coming on (or, I should say, a mindless urge to eat) so I got up and made myself a cup of tea. I drank it while reading a book and that took my mind off things for a good while. I then had my snack, read some more and when another urge came on to eat I made a second cup of tea. By the time I was done with that, it was time to leave, so I got home, had dinner, went upstairs and did some work on my computer, got a snack 3 hours later and now here I am. Granted thursday is a shorter work day than normal (tuesdays seem to be the toughest so I'm not going to speak to soon) but getting up, making a cup of tea and then taking my time sipping it really distracted me from the zombie-like urge to munch. I am happy about what I ate today too, looks like I'm back to the good routine. Here is what I did eat:

Breakfast:

-1 egg scrambled with 2tbsp fat-free half & half
-1 TJ's hash brown
-2 pieces turkey bacon
-1 tsp ketchup
-1 cup of coffee with 1 tbsp ff half & half
*ALLLL this was fantastic. I feel like I'm eating a big deal breakfast at a restaurant but i'm putting together the poor man's (or in this case, healthy man's) version.

Lunch:

-Turkey burger on a whole wheat bun with lettuce & 1 tbsp "special sauce" (chipotle hummus mixed with ketchup)
*I think i'm realizing i'm not a huge fan of the turkey burger. But the sauce I put together was awesome!
-1 piece of a philadelphia roll (sushi)
*First time trying this and it was GOOD! An entire roll is really not so good for you because it has cream cheese in it but one piece was no biggie.

Snack:

-1 blueberry greek yogurt

Dinner:

-2oz whole wheat pasta with 1/4c tomato sauce, 1/4c ff mozzarella cheese & 2oz tomato-basil chicken
*This was just ok. The mozzarella cheese really isn't great and I'm not too crazy about that marinated chicken. Someone please remind me to resist the urge to buy it yet a third time.

Snack:

-6 pieces of TJ's frozen chocolate-covered banana slices
*These are REALLY good.

Not bad if I may say so myself! I feel great, am nice and energized and refreshed and am ready to take on the world tomorrow (or at the very least, work out). I also don't have any intentions of "slipping up" this weekend since I don't really have any plans that would cause such a thing. Unless you count going to a bar saturday night in which case the only thing I might have is a light beer, which I'm going to try my best to avoid. I'm glad that I'm back on track (even if I wasn't really before), I like what I see in the mirror and I enjoy noticing the results of my hard work. And followers just keep popping up! I love learning that new people (or unexpected people) are actually reading my blog and are going above and beyond by being proactively attentive and giving me advice and suggestions. I really appreciate it and as much as it's cliche, the support I'm getting is really helping me through this, so thank you everyone!

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Day 62

Alright so I'm officially starting the 3rd month of all this! I feel better today than I did yesterday but I still need a little spirit-lift. I'm still positive about everything and I know I've been doing great up until this point, ESPECIALLY with the working out...I'm having a little more trouble forgiving myself when I mess up with the food. I noticed that early on when I started eating better I would eat perfectly for 6 or 7 straight days and any slip-ups would be infrequent. Now I find that I haven't really had a long stretch of eating well and I'm messing up a little more often. So I'm upset about that. Also, I really have been trying to not rush myself in terms of losing a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time. However, since I've finally made it down to 180 i'm ITCHING to get into the 170s again and I'm putting some unnecessary pressure on myself to get my weight down more quickly. I think it's probably best that I ease off the scale (at the very least have my mom hide it from me haha) and just focus on the fact that i'm more in shape than I have been in years...maybe not from a visual standpoint but my endurance is getting progressively better so I really would just like to focus on that for now. I had mentioned  yesterday that I was having a hard time spacing out my meals when I am at work, and someone I know made a pretty smart suggestion...she suggested that instead of eating EXTRA during the day to make up for finishing all my meals early, eat my meals in intervals...for example, instead of eating breakfast at 9, snack at 11, lunch at 1, and dinner by 3, eat breakfast at 9, snack at 11, HALF my lunch at 1, the other half at 3, half of dinner at 5 and the other half at 7 (or something to that effect) so that the food I've already packed just gets dragged out longer! I haven't tried this before but i work tomorrow so I plan on trying it then...I think it's a really clever idea and I'm so thankful to her for suggesting it to me. I really don't want to just keep adding meals so that I am done eating at the right time of day, so tonight when I cooked I tried to cut things in half and pack them separately so I can space it all out the right way...we'll see how it works out!

I worked out today, and I honestly don't know how I did it at all. As you all know I worked out in Belmar on Monday, and my abs have been killing me ever since. I was up late last night and for whatever reason this morning I felt like I was hit by a truck when I woke up. I dragged myself out of bed, went to lunch with a friend, went shopping, relaxed for about an hour then went to spin. It's crazy how much of your core strength you utilize during spin class...you don't realize it until you take a spin class with sore abs...my form was severely lacking today and it was much harder to do the workouts to my full potential because of the pain I was in. I was also exhausted...at the beginning of class I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to do most of the exercises or that I wouldn't even make it through class...but somehow god willing I made it through and did everything required of me! I'm really proud of myself for sticking with it, because I can tell you the "old" me would never have done such a thing, haha.

So as I had said last night, I was going to the diner today. After reading some things and talking to some people, it really seems like either plain grilled chicken or eggs & toast are the ideal healthy diner-meals. I ate neither of these today. My info came a little too late haha. Here is what I ate today though:

Breakfast:

None/Lunch was my breakfast since I woke up at 11 and had noon lunch plans.

Lunch:

-BLT on whole wheat toast with a little mayo
-1/2c cole slaw
-2 mini pickles
*This seriously hit the spot. I should try making BLTs with the turkey bacon I bought...wonder how that would taste...
-unsweetened iced tea

Dinner:

-Trader Joe's Mac 'n Cheese with 2oz butterball turkey kielbasa cut up in it
*Oh god this was good. It was the healthy adult version of kraft mac 'n cheese & hot dogs. That turkey kielbasa is the shit.

Snack:

-1 greek pomegranate yogurt with 1/4c granola cereal mixed in
*always good...should have bought more yogurts though because i'm almost done w/ them already!

Actually looking back it wasn't a bad day at all. I guess I could have nixed the cole slaw in lieu of something healthier (i just get sooo tired of vegetables sometimes), or I could have not had the mayo on the sandwich, I shouldn't have had both. But the sandwich was light, and really hit the spot. I was actually pretty full after lunch, too! Plus I only had 2 meals and a snack today so I can forgive myself the BLT.

Anyway, I should get to bed soon, I'm getting up early to go to belmar again to work out, let's see which muscle group hurts after tomorrow's session! It's always something new!

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Day 61

Today makes 2 months. My response? A very unenthusiastic YAY. I just wasn't really happy today...Food-wise, it was not a bad day. But I got in a progressively more-rotten mood as the day continued for various reasons. First, I know I have a problem eating right when I'm at work. It seems I am not able to get over this. I eat almost all my food in the first half of the day and can't seem to space anything out correctly. I ate breakfast, then lunch, then a snack, then dinner (?) all by 4:30pm.  But the real catch is that instead of eating the dinner I had previously made for myself, I instead ordered food from a japanese restaurant (healthy food, i might add, but still WTF I already made food!)...So that first got me in a bad mood...then I went dress shopping for a party i'm going to...apparently 11 pounds makes NO DIFFERENCE in the way a dress fits. NONE. I looked god awful in everything I put on. Where did the weight come off? My face or something? So. Angry. Now I KNOW 11 lbs won't make me go down a dress size or even all of a sudden have a different body. But it made no difference whatsoever. I still looked awful. That got me in a bad mood. And I've just been in a bad mood ever since. I also didn't drink like ANY water today and I'm mad because I know I should have. Whatever. Tomorrow I will go to spin class and drink lots of water...I am eating lunch at a diner tomorrow, so I'm trying to plan out what to eat there so I don't break my day. Any suggestions??

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-Scrambled Eggs (1 whole egg scrambled with 2 tbsp fat-free half & half
-Hash browns (1 TJ's) and 1 tbsp ketchup
-Bacon (2 slices butterball turkey bacon)
*This was all so good but I burned the bacon :-(

Snack:

-1 cup coffee with 2 tbsp ff half & half and 2 sweet & lows

Lunch:

-2oz turkey kielbasa on a TJ's whole wheat bun with 1 tbsp deli mustard
*I LOVE TURKEY KIELBASA!

Snack:

-1 Lemon greek yogurt
*meh. there shouldn't be such a thing as lemon flavored yogurt.

Dinner:

-From Sushi Restaurant:
--2 chicken kababs (chicken & onions with a very light  glaze)
--1 cucumber roll
--1 small salad with ginger dressing
*Not the worst thing I could have eaten!

Snack(?)

-French Toast: 2 slices whole grain bread dipped in 1 egg white with syrup sauce (1/4c sugar free syrup, 2 tbsp ff half & half, 2/3c strawberries)
*Was craving sweet so instead of being bad I waited till I got home and made this.

The eating wasn't awful, I'm not upset about how I ate, but shopping got me in a bad mood! Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day and I'll be going to spin class so hopefully I'll be ok after that! I just need to mellow out...

Day 60

Tomorrow will officially be 2 months! Time for a celebration! Or at the very least, a pat on the back. I'm thinking I should maybe weigh myself sometime in the next few days just to give myself a 2-month checkpoint kind of thing. I weighed myself early last week and was at 180 (which makes my total loss 11 lbs) but I would like to get into the 170s already! It's been about 2 years since I have been in the 170s and it would be great to bust through that barrier! Fingers crossed, I did really well today! I stuck with my food plan and worked out TWICE! I first went down to bellmar and Rob trained me for a half hour...trained me HARD! I was really suffering by the last time around...I did a series of exercises and when I ran through them all he had me do them again. And again. And again, and again. 4x total. My legs were jello and my face was tomato red. But I felt great afterward at least because I know I really pushed myself and gave my all :-)...later on I headed to spin class, it was a REALLY tough one (usually Monday night isn't as tough) but she definitely whooped our asses and I challenged myself as well.

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-1 TJ's trail mix bar
*I actually think the trail mix bar wasn't enough after the workout...I need more after I work out...mental note.
-Coffee with 2 tbsp fat free half & half and 1 sweet & low

Lunch:

-Chicken Parm (pesto-marinated chicken breast, 1/4c fat free mozzarella & 1/4c fresh tomato sauce)
-6 asparagus spears

*It actually wasn't that good. I'm not really good at the whole "shelf-life" thing and I have had that chicken breast marinating in the fridge for 2 weeks i think...it looked great but tasted gross and I think I missed totally cooking it through by THIS MUCH. I won't be surprised if I end up with salmonella or something. My bad.

Snack:

-1 raspberry greek yogurt with 1/4c of granola cereal mixed in
*It's ALL about the texture

Dinner:

-Chicken Stir fry (1 chicken breast, 1c veggies, 1 tbsp stir fry sauce)
*So I notice that if I cook the stir fry sauce into my mixture, it kind of burns off and disappears...but if I add it in AFTERWARD it is noticeable! I will be doing the latter from now on...

Snack:

-TJ's frozen chocolate-covered banana slices
*Good but SO COLD ON MY TEETH! ow.

Water:

-(2) 23oz bottles

Exercise:

-Crossfit: 30 min
-Spin: 1 hour

Feeling great, smile on my face, I have a family party in a couple weeks and would love to get a cute (inexpensive) dress to wear! I feel really good about myself and I haven't even lost THAT much yet! I feel like every day is sunshine (even if it isn't)...probably the one biggest reason I can never give up eating and working out like this is all the positive vibes...I haven't felt this awesome in a really long time :-)

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Days 58 & 59

Once again, 2 days blogged into one. I was just exhausted last night and I hate writing half-assed posts as I sometimes do, so sometimes if I feel that I want to contribute my all but can't, I'll wait until the next day to blog so that my post has some substance.
Well, this weekend wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst, either. I also seem to be making my weekends my "off" days, which I'm ok with because I'm always able to get my shit back together come monday. I would, however, prefer to just make ONE weekend day a bad day instead of 2 or 3 since that's a nice big chunk of my week that I'm sabotaging. I'm going to really try for just 1 off day next weekend instead of 2 or 3...that's my goal for this week and I'll obviously be reporting whether or not I stick to it! I'm really proud of the progress I've been making and can't even believe how good a position I'm in...I mean normally when I try to overhaul my diet I end up feeling like it's controlling me...this is the first time I realize that I have complete control over what I eat, when I eat it, and the compulsions I have to make poor food choices. It's really empowering and puts a smile on my face...that last few people I have hung out with each separately told me I have a "glow" without me prompting them or talking about my diet...that's such great motivation for me. I seriously can't stop smiling when I think about the positive progress I'm making :-)
Alright time for the confessional...like I said this weekend was no good, and you all know by now that when I slip I slip big time! So don't judge!

DAY 58 (Sat)

Breakfast:

-2 kiwis
-1 greek yogurt with 1 TJ's granola bar crumbled up in it
*Not many calories but probably an ample amount of sugar here...

Lunch:

-1 can of healthy choice chicken & rice soup over 1 serving of TJ's mashed potatoes
This was yummy plus I just wanted to get rid of that goddamn can of soup already. The reason healthy choice is so healthy? less "stuff", more broth.

Snack:

-1 slice of 7-11 pizza
I know, right? Granted it IS only 300 calories a slice...Plus they do seem to brag about how their pizza is made with all REAL ingredients...

Dinner:

-3 slices of restaurant pizza
*More pizza, yes. I ate enough pizza for a small army. It actually wasn't that good. Plus I was babysitting and I went to find garlic powder to put on it but was unsuccessful...meanwhile I found 3 JARS of onion powder...who does that?!

Snack:

-Quite a few chocolate-chip Teddy Grahams
-Handful of grapes
-Handfuls of jiffy pop
*I set the jiffy pop on fire. Legit. Like, the whole thing. First it caught on fire a little, then I tried to blow on it and it just engulfed the whole damn thing in flames so I had to run it under water before the kids saw me...they would def tell their parents about that one if they knew about it!

Water:

-(2) 23oz bottles

Exercise:

-1 half-hour bike ride outside (21-speed bike set on most difficult speed)
*It was colder out than expected...on the bright side, the bike ride gave me a nice close view of a dude getting a sobriety test after crashing his car head-on into a telephone pole...

Alright so I ate enough for a small army. I was BABYSITTING and isn't half the fun of babysitting to be the cliche sitter? I mean pizza, popcorn, movies, cookies...it's ALL part of the experience. And of course, I kept up with only drinking water. It's been something I haven't been willing to sacrifice so I'm proud of that!

DAY 59:

Today was a "stay in" day...it was gross out, and while Sunday is usually a gym day I seriously did not feel up to it...but I was able to justify it since I worked out yesterday which I normally don't do. I did, however, eat well again today so hooray for me. Here's what I consumed:

Breafkast:

-1 TJ's frozen Filet of Sole meal
*I only ate half of this. Still not a big fish person even though I try and force it on myself.

Lunch:

-2oz whole wheat pasta with fresh homemade tomato sauce and 1/2 tsp grated parmesan
*The old me would have eaten like 4 servings of this. I will NEVER get tired of fresh tomato sauce. Never.

Snack:

-1 sugar-free chocolate pudding

Dinner:

-1 TJ's frozen panko-breaded tilapia fillet
-1 serving of TJ's mashed potatoes
-6 asparagus spears
*This was all just so good and really hit the spot. I think it was better because it took 30 min to cook it.

Snack:

-22 (serving size) espresso pillows
*My mom clearly keeps sneaking these cause there aren't many left.

See? ^ good day. I also hit up the food stores again and got some stuff! Here's what I bought:

TJ's:

-Frozen meals:
*Guilt-free Mac 'n Cheese
*Guilt-free Baked Ziti
*Black bean & corn enchiladas
*Margherita Pizza
-Frozen whole wheat blueberry waffles
-Tomato & basil marinated chicken breasts
-Trail mix granola bars
-Frozen strawberries
-Frozen blueberries
-Gummy vitamins

Shoprite:

-Turkey Kielbasa (highly recommended by a friend)
-Greek yogurts
-Fat free half & half (yes, there is such a thing)
-Sugar-free chocolate pudding
-Sugar-free pancake syrup
-Plain lean chicken breasts
-Butterball turkey bacon (i've been cravin' bacon at breakfast!...also good for BLTs )

It's great that after all this shopping I'm really starting to find out what is useful and what isn't...the stuff that has been sitting in my fridge rotting is not useful haha. I have 3 tubs of hummus and I really only need 1 since I don't use it often. I also  utilize frozen veggies WAY more than fresh. Cheese and meats and breads are staples...but I don't really use the Naan at all so I won't be buying more of that. Sauces are especially handy, but I don't use the salsa I bought ever since I tried it on the chicken and it wasn't really that tasty. Same with the indian masala sauce I bought. I couldn't wait to cook when I got home! Already have allllll my food ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow will also be a GREAT workout day....going to Belmar in the a.m. then Spin @ night...can't wait! I am not going to go into detail but I feel like it's been such a long time since I've really been excited about anything and I can't believe that working out and eating well is actually an exciting prospect to look forward to...who would have thought that THIS was what helped to get me up in the morning?! Can't wait to blog tomorrow night...it will probably be late though! And just a reminder, my blog now has its own page on facebook! Add it by going to This Link...I'm trying to get as many likes as possible so if you haven't yet, please "like" the page! Thanks!

Days 56 & 57

DAY 56

Soooo I'm about to cram 2 days posts into one once again. I will keep it short though because I've been feeling awesome and really don't have much else to elaborate on. Yesterday I worked all day which is usually the kiss of death as far as spacing out my food goes, but I didn't really feel good so I was able to fend off the urges to eat. This is what I did chow down on:

Breakfast:

-1 egg, 1 slice whole wheat toast, 1 TJ's hash brown and 1 tbsp ketchup
*I'm pretty sure this is what made me feel sick although I don't know why
-1 cup coffee with 2 tbsp nondairy creamer & 1 sweet & low
*This was decaf so I know it wasn't what caused the indigestion...

Lunch:

-2oz whole wheat pasta with 1/4c homemade tomato sauce and 2 oz pesto-marinated chicken breast
*Really good!

Snack:

-1 sugar-free vanilla pudding

Dinner:

-4oz grilled chicken on a TJ's whole wheat bun with 1 tbsp TJ's bbq sauce and 1/4c reduced-fat cheddar
*The bbq chicken was better on it's own with mashed potatoes.

Snack:

-1 blueberry greek yogurt with 1 TJ's granola bar crunched up in it
*so filling

Water:

-2 bottles

That was it, good day, ate well, aside from feeling sick I felt great...if that makes any sense, haha.


DAY 57

Today I did well also but I allowed myself the luxury of letting go and enjoying myself because I went out to dinner tonight. I have been going out to dinner less frequently so I do like to kind of throw caution to the wind when I'm out at a restaurant (especially a quality one). I also worked out today at the Crossfit gym down in belmar...I somehow managed to get up at 7 to drive an hour away from home on my day off....go me? haha...Anyway, today's session was WAY harder than my intro lesson! It was supremely tough but I felt fantastic afterwards and was happy that I really challenged myself! I'll explain what I did in a bit...First, here is what I ate today:

Breakfast (after workout)

-1 Kashi granola bar
*The last one! Finally I get to buy new ones...

Snack:

-Apple
*pushed on me by my nonna  :-)

Lunch:

-1 TJ's frozen pizza with 1/4c fat free mozzarella added on top
*seriously buttery crust yummmm

Dinner:

-1 panini (prosciutto, fresh mozzarella, tomatoes & pesto spread)
*to. die. for.
-Handful of seasoned tri-color tortilla chips
*alright i prob. could have done without those

Dessert:

-1 strawberry lemon tart (personal size of course)
*and without this too...BUT if I WERE to have dessert out at a restaurant, I would rather it be a quality family-owned institution like this one rather than, say, Applebee's.

OK so for my workout, there were basically 4 sessions/phases to it. Each phase contained 2 workouts. For each phase, we had to alternate the two workouts, working for 15 sec and resting for 15 sec for a total of 6 minutes. After the 6 minutes we'd move on to the next phase. It was definitely high intensity but I so rarely work myself that hard that I really gave it my all and as SERIOUSLY difficult as it was I challenged myself to complete each task, and I did! I'm not going to go into detail about each exercise because I think it would be too tough to try and explain it in words...but here's a picture of one of the exercise (my friend/trainer Rob had the forethought to take a pic of me doing this for the blog!)

That workout required that I wield a (heavily-weighted) hammer as though it were an axe chopping wood, except instead of chopping wood I was hitting a big tire...I'd grab the hammer on the bounceback, swing it back up then throw it back down...I also had to switch arms occasionally...the funniest part besides the exercise itself? The fact that I was better left-handed...even though I am right-handed -  a nuance that both myself and Rob noticed. I really felt like I accomplished something after the workout and can't wait to go back Monday!! I'm hoping I will get the chance to play tennis tomorrow like I plan to, who knows if I'll be able to squeeze it in...if not, then I will definitely be hitting the gym sunday as I usually do.