Day 25

I finally joined a gym today! Woohoooooo! I am very excited about this. Partially because I know it'll help me achieve my goal, and also because I love spending time alone and am looking forward to having the gym all to myself - it's at a university so I'll be going when everyone else is in class haha. They also have a wide variety of classes which I'll have full access to. Here are the classes they offer: Hatha Yoga, Vinyasa Yoga, Spinning, Bootcamp, Zumba, Kickboxing, Crunchtime, Cardio Chaos and Booty Beat...I plan on trying as many as my schedule allows! I'm so pumped to be finally burning off some energy! I went today as well and did spinning...now as a recap, I used to be the queen of spin. Seriously, I went all the time including early morning classes and I was fantastic at it...well last week I did my first spinning class in 6 months, and I was frustrated because I couldn't do much of what the instructor was asking of us...well apparently a week was all it took to get adjusted because I'm back baby! I was able to do everything as instructed today. It wasn't easy by any means but I am so glad that I was able to accomplish it! I guess my body just had to get used to me being more active! I would like to try and go to the gym tomorrow but I work from 10-8 so I don't know if that's going to happen. But at least for now I know I can do Mon, Wed, Fri and Sun, which is a really good workout schedule to maintain so I'm not worried about not fitting in enough exercise. My eating also went awesome today, and for dinner I went to Jules Thin Crust pizza in newtown...that place rocks!! They have whole wheat thin crust veggie pies and my friend and I split a medium size one, with pieces still left over! I will discuss what I ate at length later on, but for now I just can't stop raving about this place. It was awesome because the slices themselves are small, the ingredients are fresh and organic, and the whole wheat crust is an added bonus for people trying to eat healthier. Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-2 trader joe's whole wheat frozen waffles with a couple blueberries & blackberries and 1/4c sugar-free syrup
*SO GOOD! Love these. And I added in fruit to give my breakfast more substance. I think I'm going to try making my own syrup with the berries too at some point...blending them in with the maple syrup somehow I think that'd be really delicious.
-1/2c unsweetened coconut milk
*BLEH! I can't do this. I'm seriously better off drinking the dairy. Coconut milk is NOT a substitute for real milk hahaha.

Lunch:

-2/3c brown rice, 1c healthy choice garden vegetable soup (with the noodles picked out), 1 ground up turkey burger. = All mixed together
*This was good, sufficient, and I figured the soup would add lots of flavor but it really didn't. I'm not sure if it was because of that particular flavor or because it was healthy choice, but I'll try it again with a different variety to test my theories.

Snack:

-1 macintosh apple with 2 tbsp reduced sugar peanut butter
*I could have just eaten that damn peanut butter straight out of the jar...but I threw in the apple for good measure haha

Dinner:

- 3 slices whole wheat thin crust pizza topped with melted mozzarella, cubes of gorgonzola cheese, basil, chunks of tomatoes, garlic and artichoke hearts with olive oil

*I cannot say enough good things about this pizza. It was so frieken good! And because of the whole chunks of vegetables it actually was slightly cold, but in a good way. It was like eating cold fresh vegetables on a warm thin slice of bread and I really wish there was a Jules Thin Crust near my house :-( I was also sad to find out that the leftovers my friend gave to me were of the wrong kind of pizza...we accidentally switched to-go boxes...I'm very sad about that haha.

Today was a great day, I feel on top of the world right now! I'm sitting here drinking my nightly cup of green tea (out of my favorite Alice in Wonderland mug) which I'm trying without the agave nectar...there is only a slight difference. If I can drink it without any sweetener I'm going to try to do that from now on. Well I guess that's it for tonight, I already cooked for tomorrow, I work all day and am going to try to keep myself busy enough so that I don't get bored and want to eat, eat, eat! I'm also out of $$ so that will actually work in my favor :-)

Day 24

I'm impressed by the fact that I was able to rebound from yesterday's emotional downward spiral. I'm often tougher than necessary on myself, and an obstacle that I often have trouble overcoming is reprimanding myself for "bad" behavior and not being able to move on. I've been generally better about this but am still going through the process and the ups and downs. I've also been trying to be more honest with myself throughout this whole endeavor...taking accountability for my actions and admitting to weaknesses and negative feelings. However today I was speaking to a friend who also happens to be a life coach, and who was kind enough to take the time to help talk me through some of my emotional muck. He noticed that I'm often not honest with myself about how I feel even though I try to convince myself that I am. For example, the dreaded SCALE. I tell myself that the numbers don't matter and that they aren't important. I try to convince myself that I truly believe that. But in actuality I don't believe that. Because while they may not be important to some people, they are important TO ME. As much as I hate to admit it, feeling better and looking better are not the factors by which I measure my progress. The numbers on the scale are what I look to to tell me that I'm doing a good job. I feel like I'm working really hard at eating healthier. It's emotionally draining at times, and the frustration is unrelenting, and to feel like I'm working my ass off only to see a couple digits go down on that scale makes me feel like a failure. Even though any professional would say that 3.5 lbs in 3 weeks is a healthy rate, I'm used to crash dieting where you lose a lot of weight quickly...during those times the scale was going down half a pound a day. By week 3, I would have lost at least 10 lbs....but then again the second I started eating junk again I'd gain it back just as fast. I would like to believe that I could commend myself and have faith in myself solely by noticing every little improvement in my body over the last few weeks. But I was lying, thinking that those things were all that mattered. In truth I do go by the scale to measure my progress. And admitting to that will help me deal with future weigh-in frustrations as well. My friend and I discussed many different points, and I feel blessed to have somebody who not only is willing to help me talk about these issues (granted there are others who are willing to talk also), but who also understands the wide range of emotions I'm experiencing and the frequency at which they can change. My family has been more than supportive, but I believe that I have a food addiction, and none of them have suffered any addictions, even minor ones, so they really only understand things at a factual level...they'll say to me "well if you see the cupcake, and you know that you can't eat it and then just DON'T eat it"...their heart is definitely in their advice but they don't understand that it's so much deeper than not eating the cupcake. My temptation is not black and white, but riddled with conflicting emotions. The friend I talked to can relate to where I am coming from and it was really comforting to talk to someone who wasn't chastising me for my weaknesses and self-doubts but rather encouraging me to embrace them and use them to my advantage. I also mentioned that I have associated social gatherings with food. To me, I've been trained to think that you can't enjoy an outing with friends unless you partake in sharing the food with everybody. It would be breaking some kind of self-imposed social norm if I went to a BBQ and brought plain grilled chicken instead of eating the BBQ wings and hot dogs that were being served there. It's so interesting to analyze the situation and see how dependent I am on food being the glue that holds social relationships together. Today my family made a LOT of food because we had people over. Food that I would have eaten multiple servings of...pasta, meatballs, rice balls, calzones, potato croquets, potato casserole...and normally, as guests arrive, I would be making my way around the room, talking to people while simultaneously picking off of each platter. Today, faced with the challenge of NOT eating what was being served, I actually found myself to be awkwardly standing around. It was almost as if I didn't know what to do with myself or how to work the room without some kind of food acting as a social crutch. The people hadn't changed, the room hadn't changed, my family was still there, but I didn't have the food to make the social experience come together as a whole. As frustrating as it can be it really is quite fascinating to see how many subconscious social habits I've developed, and how they all contribute to the difficulty of my weight-loss experience.
Anyway, as truly difficult as it was to resist temptation today, I did it (with help from some supportive friends, of course). Here is what I ate today. And, since I will be joining the gym tomorrow and I worked out today, from now on I will be including workout details in the food diary section of my posts:

GYM (11:30am)

-Treadmill: 15 min, .5 incline, alternating running (5.5mph) & speedwalking (3.5mph)
-Floor exercises: Plank pose (3 10-second holds), balance ball sit-ups (3 sets of 10 reps) medicine ball swivels, (10 reps with 3lb ball, 10 reps with 4lb ball, 10 reps with 5lb ball), wall squats (3 sets of 10 reps)
-Circuit machines: 3 sets of 10 reps on various machines
-Elliptical: 10 min level 5, alternating going backwards and forwards.

FOOD:

Breakfast:

-1 kashi cranberry walnut bar
*I don't like these that much because they are REALLY sweet...too sweet.

Lunch:

-2oz whole wheat pasta with 1/2c fresh tomato sauce, 1 link chicken sausage and 1 tsp grated parmesan
*Bought the whole wheat pasta today and it's probably the best tasting wheat pasta i've tried. The chicken sausage was also bought today and is all natural, organic with no preservatives. I'm not totally crazy about the flavor I bought but they make other varieties. This meal was great because it was so similar to what my family was eating so I only felt mildly left out.

Dessert/Snack:

-1 sugar free chocolate pudding cup & 1 sugar free vanilla pudding cup (layered in a bowl) with a couple blueberries, blackberries and banana slices
-1 cup DECAF coffee with 1/4c fat free milk & 1tsp agave nectar
*My mom put out pies and brownies for everyone so in order to not crave what they were eating I made up the above concoction. It was really delicious and under 200 calories. The switch to DECAF coffee was a smart move.

Dinner:

- 1 veggie burger on a whole grain flax seed sandwich flat with 1/4c melted cheddar cheese, grilled peppers, mushrooms, slice of tomato, spinach leaves and 1 tbsp tomato basil hummus. 
*This was really good! The new sandwich flats, despite having stevia in them, are actually really good and taste much less sweet than the ones that contained splenda. I also made sure to include lots of vegetables so that the meal was well-rounded.

Snack:


- 2 dark chocolate caramel wedges 

*these things are a godsend. seriously.

-1 cup green tea with 1/2tsp agave nectar

*just making sure to get my daily quota!

Water:

-4 HUGE glasses

I did really well, and am trying to add a little more variety to my recipes. I went shopping again today and got blueberries as well as blackberries, got the whole wheat pasta, the chicken sausage, a veggie hummus and a red pepper spread (both are for sandwiches). Tomorrow I'll be joining the gym and going to spin & yoga class. I also will be going out to eat but it's for organic pizza and they offer whole wheat crust, and I already looked up the restaurant's nutrition facts, and each veggie slice averages about 180 cal. and they have fresh organic salads with the option of adding grilled chicken. so either way I'm not worried about what I'll be eating there! I'm really happy that I was able to make it through the difficulties and come out feeling better about myself. There will be good days, bad days, fantastic days and miserable days, and I truly have faith in myself that I can power through even the darkest of days and make it out stronger than before!

Day 23

4 weeks. I'm feeling the pressure. Today was a tough day. Not because of temptation, but because of me beating myself up. I think I mentioned that last night I was going to a bar and planned not to drink...not drinking when I'm around my friends is impossible. I'm not an alcoholic by any means, and I only go out to drink a few times a month. But it's extremely hard to sit there and not have a drink in my hand as a social crutch. Even holding a club soda would not have felt the same. Bottom line: I had 3 bud lights. 110 cal/each. I'm not so concerned about the calorie content as I am about the fact that alcohol seems to impede weight loss and contribute to weight gain fairly quickly. Now I can analyze this and say that, just as never eating out again seems unrealistic, so is the notion of never socially ever having a drink again. I am extremely disappointed that I not only had 1 beer, but 3. I feel like I've been doing this for 3 weeks already and have only lost 3.5 lbs, and those 3 beers could have easily put me back half a pound or even a full pound. I wouldn't mind if the alcohol impeded my weight loss as much as if it UNDID my progress. To work so hard and have such strong willpower for 3 whole weeks only to have some of it taken away in 1 night is a severely depressing thought. I wish I could praise myself for how well I've been doing instead of letting my one mistake emotionally take a toll. It's "downtimes" like these that I start to lose my cool. I don't want that to happen. Not this time. I've prided myself on approaching everything differently this time around. The thought that always ruined me in the past was the underlying feeling that I had a time frame in which to lose weight. Either it had to be by the summer...or by my vacation...or by christmas, etc. This time I'm trying to get used to the fact that weight loss (real, healthy weight loss) is a slow process and it's a lifestyle change instead of a time frame. The weight is going to come off....eventually. My dietary habits will change...eventually. I need to get my head around the fact that this is going to take a while to achieve. In fact, when I started this blog my original goal was to see how much weight I could lose in a 90-day span. However the more I thought about it the more I realized that setting an unrealistic goal and giving myself a deadline would do more harm than good in the long run, and to really see results and make a change both physically and emotionally, I would need to envision a healthy future and a healthy lifestyle for myself and my future family. Being "skinny" is going to be a bonus, but the real goal here is to be healthy. I need to stop focusing on numbers and pounds and start focusing on how I am feeling and how I can adjust to this lifestyle long-term. It's hard to not put pressure on myself, and to not set up unrealistic expectations of myself. To think that I'd never slip up would be a mistake on my part, as I'm only human...seeing that I've been doing this 21 days and slipped up 2 or 3 times is actually a really good track record, and I need to praise myself for achieving such a goal instead of picking apart each little setback. The emotional issues are obstacles that I'm going to hit every so often and I have to get used to the fact that the hurdles are inevitable and I am not superwoman.
I went out to eat today, which I promised myself I wouldn't do often. I did eat extremely healthy, even in the face of temptation, but it's very hard for me to pat myself on the back for making a healthy eating choice instead of berating myself for eating out in the first place. It's crazy how you can have 3 weeks of smooth sailing and then be taken aback so easily by something that isn't even worth getting upset about. I'm not invincible, I'm only human, and I need to take this whole journey one day at a time. Since you're all probably curious at this point, here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-Kashi cranberry walnut bar
*This was DELICIOUS! The cranberry is really tangy. However I noticed that it doesn't keep me as full as the dark chocolate cherry bars from Kashi that I was eating last week. I will be switching back once I run out.

Lunch:

-The Traveling Wrap: whole wheat wrap, 1 tbsp tomato basil hummus, spinach, mushrooms, 1 slice lowfat swiss and 3oz grilled chicken
*This is called the traveling wrap because I made it like 4 days ago planning to eat it each day and it just keeps traveling with me in my purse until today when I finally ate it (it was still good!). This was actually tasty, I think all the flavors had really come together because they were marinating for days haha.

Snack:

-1 tall vienna roast Starbucks coffee with 1/4c fat free milk and 1 sweet & low.
*This is where I started feeling bad for myself. First off, I have been trying to stay away from coffee but when I'm in a coffee mood it's one temptation I just can't turn down. Second, caffeine affects my moods, which I know but somehow forget about, so I think my self-loathing tonight comes partially from that. Third, the coffee just sat in my stomach like a rock. It's still sitting there now and I've basically felt sick since I drank it at 2pm. It's 7:30 now. Also, because it made me feel sick, I feel "fat". I feel the way I feel when I've eaten too much. This has given me the illusion that I've "messed up" today, even though I haven't. It's bizarre that just feeling fat makes you think you've actually gained weight. I should look on the bright side, at the fact that instead of getting a latte (even a skinny latte has 150 cal and up!) I got plain simple coffee with lowfat milk. The only calories are the milk!

Dinner:

-Sushi: 1 Chrismas roll (tuna, avocado, tobiko & white rice)/ 1 vegetable roll (carrots, cucumber & avocado and brown rice) with soy sauce
-Small bowl miso soup
*This was actually really healthy, now that I'm analyzing it. The vegetable roll is about 120 calories, and the christmas roll is 184...that's about 304 cal for dinner. Actually not bad at all. Good choice on my part. My friend got chicken teryaki with vegetables, which looked good and sounded smart at first since the veggies and chicken were grilled, but teryaki sauce has so much sugar in it! I definitely chose the better option.

That's all I ate for today. I know I did a REALLY good job, but I just feel really fat right now. It's also probably due to the fact that I only had 1 bottle of water today. I'm about to go to a friend's house to watch a movie so I think I'm gonna bring a bottle with me and just keep keep keep refilling! He actually wanted to go out for drinks tonight, and I didn't want to end up drinking again so I asked if we could just watch a movie instead and he said ok! Now I'm happy and I don't feel pressure to mess up again. Also, we are having people over tomorrow and my dad is making fried riceballs and meatballs and pasta. He said I could have some as long as I limit myself, but I think if I have any at all I'm just going to fall farther into a downward spiral, so I already cooked for tomorrow. That way I'll just make sure I eat whatever I've made for myself. Also, the people we're having over are really supportive of my goals so I know they won't let me cave! Additionally, I'm going to the gym tomorrow to relieve some of this stress. I know I will feel better by the end of the day tomorrow, I just need to train myself to take these things in stride and to prevent the self-depreciation before it happens. 

Day 22

Beginning of week 4. Week 4 usually signifies the week I "cave" in. But I don't feel an impending sense of doom just yet. The eating is going well, I feel a lot better about myself and am starting to feel myself becoming almost a "snob" about what I'm putting into my body. Believe me I still look at fried food and salivate, but at the same time I'm not willing to sacrifice my health for something that will taste good for a few minutes. I'm enjoying making my own meals and carefully reading food labels for nutritional value instead of getting things that are simply quick fixes. When I go food shopping I spend a VERY long time in each aisle, eyeing up each label, and it really pays off because it's surprising to find what is in a lot of foods! Many whole grain breads have high fructose corn syrup, and the ones that brag about not having it have splenda or stevia in them. Can't I just find whole grain natural bread without any sweetener in it? Or at least with just plain natural sugar? I bought some more sandwich thins today, and apparently now they make "Sandwich Thin Naturals" with all natural ingredients.....including Stevia. WTF? I know the buns are going to be too sweet again but I figured I'd give them a try. I bought some other things at the store today too:

*4-pack sugar free vanilla pudding
*4-pack sugar free chocolate pudding
*sugar-free low-cal maple syrup (only 15 cal/serving)
*1 Jar of salsa (cause my sister ate my other one)
*2 cans of Campbells Select Lite soups (low cal and ALL NATURAL pronounceable ingredients) Mexican Vegetable, & Vegetable with WHOLE GRAIN pasta!
*Goya adobo chicken seasoning
*Low-fat cheddar cheese
*Cranberry Walnut Kashi bars
*2 cans of fat free low sodium chicken broth
*1 pack Arnold Naturals sandwich thins


Got some useful things! The puddings are snack time staples, the syrup is perfect for the whole grain waffles, the salsa is for chicken, the soups are perfect for a lunch addition or to mix with chicken and rice, the chicken seasoning gives the chicken some flavor, the cheddar cheese is good for anytime but especially if I make salsa chicken. The kashi bars are perfect as an on-the-go breakfast, the chicken broth is good to either poach the chicken in or to add to rice for some flavor, and the sandwich thins are what I use to make sandwiches! I already used some of my new stuff today. Here's what I ate:

Breakfast:

-Kashi dark chocolate cherry bar
*on-the-go!

Snack:

-Half a Naked Green Machine Juice
*Drank the other half yesterday. This keeps me surprisingly full!

Lunch:

-Chicken burger on sandwich thin with 1tbsp basil tomato hummus, spinach, tomato, onion & low fat
mozzarella cheese
*This tastes better with swiss than with mozzarella

Snack:

-Sugar free vanilla pudding cup
-1 c. hot green tea with 1/2tsp agave nectar

Dinner:

-1 chicken breast with salsa, 1/4c shredded cheddar cheese and 1/3 c. brown rice
The flavor is still not 100% there...have to work on this recipe

Dessert/Snack:

-2 dark chocolate caramel wedges
*my family was eating chocolate after dinner, and in order to NOT CAVE IN i popped two of my wedges and it totally satisfied the craving!

Super proud of myself! I also am proud to announce that I will be starting a gym membership this week thanks to some super-supported relatives of mine :-). They have always had my back and I'm so blessed to have people so interested in my wellbeing. This is what keeps me motivated and reassures me that I can continue on my journey. 

Day 21

3 weeks has finally ended! I weighed myself again this morning (for the purpose of torture?) and I guess it was just being tempermental yesterday because as of today I've lost a total of 3.5 lbs! doesn't seem like much but 3.5 lbs of fat is more than 0! I considered today to be an "easy" eating day because I was pretty much running around everywhere and even though I ate out tonight the food was fresh, natural and not processed. I had plans to go to NYC this evening and be out all day tomorrow, and instead of taking the easy way out and eating fast food, I made sure to plan out my meals for today AND tomorrow and packed them with me in my suitcase! Also, I'm definitely getting better at this cooking thing. My dad said I still can't cook because I'm basically guessing how my end product will taste (which is true) but the fact that I can maneuver my way around a kitchen and do it on my own is a big deal to me. I'm still "semi-homemade" at thi point but I'm learning pretty quickly considering I've never cooked anything more complicated than mac 'n cheese in the past.
 Since I'm still in NYC I'll keep this post short...here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-omelette: 2 egg whites, 1 slice lowfat swiss, sliced peppers, spinach & mushrooms
-1 trader joe's potato pancake
*I was previously eating 3 egg whites and 2 potato pancakes. I found myself satisfied with the meal I made today despite being smaller, so I'm going to avoid "doubling up" on portions unless it's necessary for some reason.

Lunch:

-1 c. Healthy Choice garden vegetable soup
-1/3 c. brown rice
-3 oz baked chicken breast
=All mixed together
*This soup was advertised as garden vegetable and didn't have any pictures of noodles on the front. HOWEVER there were noodles in it! I was pretty upset about this since I basically haven't eaten any white bread in 3 weeks, and I was so determined to stick to my plan that I took a fork and forked the noodles out, and replaced it with the brown rice. Proud of myself for not being a lazy ass!

Snack:

-1/2 bottle of Naked Green Monster Juice.
*Lots of sugar in a full bottle so I only had half. Saving the other half for tomorrow. Kept me really full! Has so much good stuff in it besides fruit, like garlic and wheatgrass.

Dinner:

-1 veal chop
-wilted escarole
-1/4 c. garlic mashed potatoes
-1 bite of foccacia with fresh bean spread (aka italian hummus)
*This was eaten out at a restaurant. Everything was so fresh, there wasn't any butter and minimal oil. No breading, everything was baked or boiled, and the serving of potatoes was so small I didn't even see them on my plate at first!

Dessert:

-Fresh fruit with a tiny bit of fresh cream.
*A seriously tiny bit.

A job well done for today. Plus I walked the streets of NYC for a bit so I think that qualifies as exercise! Going to bed now :-)

Day 20

1 more day until the 3 week mark...I caved and weighed myself this morning...No difference on the scale. You have no idea how discouraging it is to know that you've really been putting effort into something and not see those numbers go down. And while I feel better and even look a little better, I wonder if that part is all in my head. Maybe I just THINK I look better. Maybe I just THINK I feel better. Like a placebo effect whereas in reality there's actually no change at all. What I do know is that I won't be backing down just because the numbers on that scale aren't budging. I'm working out, only drinking water/unsweetened iced tea/green tea, I've cut down my sugar intake and I'm eating really pure, nutritious foods. I'm not doing anything wrong. I could definitely increase my exercise. In reality I only worked out 4 times this week so either that wasn't enough for me to lose weight, or I already started building muscle. Either way this entire endeavor is long-term and I know that over time I will be where I want to be, and I'm in no rush to get there.
Being emotionally ready for this type of journey is half the battle, and I  think I'm psychologically in a better place than a lot of people that are half my size. I hear "skinny" people I know talk about how they hate themselves in pictures, or compare themselves to other skinny girls, or think some guy won't be into them because they are comparatively less skinny than other girls. The funny part is I never think any of that. I never think that my weight is a factor in how somebody else will appreciate me. I always post my pictures regardless of whether it's a flattering one or not, and I always think I'd have a chance with a guy who has dated someone thin in the past. I don't know if this is blind ignorance or if it's a beneficial outlook on my part, but I think the fact that I'm already happy with who I am BEFORE any weight loss is what is driving me to do well with my goal. Because it's not about "transforming" or "becoming a new person". I am already the person I want to be, and I'm just striving to be the best possible version of myself and treat my body the way it deserves to be treated. And I certainly don't want to take any of my opinions to be misconstrued as conceit, I simply think that I have failed so often in the past because I was using weight loss as a way to become someone different. I would go into each diet thinking that if I became thinner I'd become ideal in some way. But over time and as I've grown, I wouldn't want to be anyone but who I am today, and any improvement I can achieve in my health and wellbeing is simply for my own benefit.
I am also very lucky to have people who are supporting me with each step I take on this endeavor. Just from creating this blog I have seen that everybody wants me to succeed for one reason or another, and it's very encouraging to have people behind me every step of the way.
Now that I've gotten all that out, here's the fun part of every posting. The food diary!

Breakfast:

-1 slice whole wheat toast with 1 tbsp low sugar peanut butter
*I feel like I've been "overloading" at breakfast. It doesn't take much to keep me satisfied and I don't want to overdo it if I don't have to. 1 slice of bread was sufficient, versus the 2 I've ben eating.

Lunch:

- 1 chicken burger, grilled with salt, pepper & garlic powder on a whole wheat sandwich thin with 1/4c melted mozzarella cheese, spinach, tomato, and 1 tbsp tomato basil hummus.
*This was so absolutely delicious. This recipe is a winner. I tried to work some vegetables into lunch this time around since I notice I've been eating lots of meat and grains. I was satisfied for hours and I love that a chicken burger can essentially be seasoned to taste however I want it to taste! One thing I've noticed is that the whole wheat sandwich thins I bought have a sweet taste that has bothered me the entire time I've been eating them...I finally looked at the ingredients today and there is splenda in it! I hate splenda, and I always notice its taste no matter what it is in! Not sure if I will be buying these in the future.
-1 breyers fat free light banana strawberry yogurt
*eh, just ok.

Snack:

-1 sugar free chocolate pudding snack
*such a great go-to snack. I like it even better when we have bananas because I like to dunk it in the chocolate, it feels much more decadent that way.

Dinner:

-1 4oz chicken breast, coated with dijon mustard then dipped in whole grain breadcrumbs and baked
-1 cup of steamed broccoli
*A customer at the salon gave me the above chicken dish idea. I missed eating breaded chicken cutlets but I won't eat plain white breadcrumbs anymore and I didn't want to add calories by using egg to coat the chicken with. The mustard adds nominal calories but lots of flavor, and as for the breadcrumbs I actually made them myself from 2 slices of whole grain bread which I hardened in the oven then crushed.

Dessert/Snack:

-2 trader joe's dark chocolate caramel wedges
-1 mug of hot green tea with 1/2 tsp agave nectar
*seriously great buy on my part haha

Water:
-On my 5th large glass now.

I tried not to overdo the eating today, since it can be more difficult to stick to the plan when I'm home and bored and snowed in. But I kept myself occupied all day so that I wouldn't be tempted to eat around the clock. I don't feel hungry at all, and am very satisfied with the foods I've been eating. Temptation is the hardest part, as is habit. It's hard to look at something fried that my mom has made and not just grab a piece as I walk by the table. Things like that will take some getting used to. But for now my tactics have been working, and although the numbers on that scale haven't moved, I know that I'm achieving something in terms of the bigger picture.

Day 19

Slowly but surely making my way through week 3! I didn't work out today because I had work all day, but it's ok! I am still very sore from yesterday anyway. And I wouldn't go so far as to say I have more energy, since I was exhausted this morning, but there is definitely a spring in my step...I don't know if I attribute that to the exercising specifically or to the fact that I just feel so good about what I'm doing for myself. The eating went well today again, there were definitely some rough points though. When I work at the salon, I definitely just have the urge to continuously eat. I sit down a lot there and having the food next to me just taunting me makes it difficult to space out my meals properly. I usually cave in and eat lunch earlier than I would have liked to...and I ate a little bit more today than usual, although the excess comprised mostly of vegetables so I'm not concerned.
Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-2 whole grain trader joe frozen waffles with sugar free chocolate pudding spooned on top. 
*I'm not sure how I feel about this combo. We didn't have any light syrup and I still wanted to add flavor to the waffles, so I thought sugar free pudding would be the way to go since it wasn't loaded with sugar and it would make me feel like I was eating something more decadent than I actually was. It actually kept me really satisfied for a long time. It just FELT bad...but I guess in hindsight I think the whole meal didn't even total 300 calories...maybe I can spoon something else on it next time? Looking for suggestions in place of syrup!

Snack:

-Breyers fat free light strawberry yogurt
*Definitely not as satisfying as greek yogurt :( this didn't really do much for me, and it had a decent amount of sugar. Next time I'm just going to splurge $$ and buy the good stuff.

Lunch:

-Wrap: whole wheat tortilla, fresh spinach, 1 slice lowfat swiss, 2 slices lowfat turkey, tomato basil hummus.
*This was also just ok. I really don't like the whole wheat wraps. I am just not a big wrap person to begin with. I need something a little heartier. The whole thing was kind of chewey...But I still have a package of wraps to use up...oh well. I definitely like that I've been using my hummus as a spread versus a dip. It gives my sandwiches a lot of flavor in addition to the health benefits of hummus! Good call on my part.

Snack:

-5 baby carrots, 1/2 green bell pepper & 1/2 of a cucumber
-1/4 cup plain completely natural hummus (aka chick peas, salt, pepper, tahini)
*I was at my boss' house and didn't have my food with me and it had been a few hours since lunch, she knows I'm trying to eat healthy and her snack was a really good choice for me!

Snack:

-2 tbsp low sugar peanut butter
-1 sliced macintosh apple
*I was going to be eating dinner really late, so I had 2 snacks spaced apart so I wouldn't be starving when I got to dinner.

Dinner:

-Salad bar salad: Spinach, bell peppers, cucumbers, onions, black olives, broccoli, jalapeno peppers with just a drizzle of vinaigrette
-1/2 rack dry rub ribs with grilled zucchini & broccoli on the side
*We went to Ruby Tuesdays...I did my research beforehand to find out what healthy choices I'd have there...the ribs were only 460 cal since they have dry rub instead of gooey bbq sauce. I also switched my sides to veggies, and my strategy was to load up on salad before I got the ribs so that I wouldn't eat all the ribs...it worked, I left a little less than half on my plate!
-1 glass unsweetened iced tea
*I consider this my "going out to eat" drink. I feel like it's a treat since it's not water, but there's  honestly nothing in it haha.

Now:

-1 mug of hot green tea with 1 tsp agave nectar.
*I have a goal of drinking a mug of hot green tea every night. I'm trying (it's hard) to shy away from my coffee-drinking habits. At my worst point I was getting lattes from Starbucks 2x every day! Green tea is so good for the body!

Water:

-3 Bottles

All in all, a good day. Like I had said I might have done some calorie overload today, but if it was a result of eating vegetables I'm totally ok with it. I'd rather overload on veggies than crap! Very proud that I'm 19 days strong! I'm planning on going to the gym tomorrow at noon for a 2nd spin class this week. I'm sure it will still be tough (and my butt will hate me for it) but the more I go the more progress I can make getting back into it. I also might go out to dinner tomorrow night (weather permitting) but my friend wants to bring me to an organic pizza restaurant that has natural pizzas, whole wheat pizza and gluten free pizza...at least I know I can make another smart choice despite the fact that I'm not cooking for myself! I'm determined to know how to make better choices while eating out, since I like to be social and it would be unrealistic of me to try to not go out to eat anymore. Like I've said before it's a lifestyle change and I'm in no rush to get my body to where I'd like it to be. :-)

Day 18

Note to self - I underestimated how easy it would be to get back into Spinning! I worked out twice today. I got a 5-day guest pass to a gym in Hamilton and went with a friend at 1:30 and did 20 min on the elliptical, alternating every 5 minutes between going forward & backward. Definitely worked up a sweat, and the machine warned me of a "high heart rate"...I've always had a higher heart rate but I also attribute that to being out of shape...I wonder if it will gradually go down with more exercising. I then did some circuit machines, focusing mostly on my arms since they are the weaker half of my body, and I went and did some freeweights/balance ball/ab work. The friend I went with is a great motivator, and she pushed me to perform to the best of my ability (and past that!). She said that each time I told myself I couldn't possibly do any more reps, I should do 3 more. I did that for each exercise and am so glad I pushed myself! It's amazing what the human body is capable of. I felt so fantastic afterwards. I then took a break, ate lunch and drank some water, then at 5:30pm I went as an alumni guest to my college gym to take my first spinning class in almost a year. Holy mother of God it was hard. I usually am able to do everything the instructor tells us to do...add resistance to the bike, or pedal faster, or stand up while pedaling. This time I could only stand up for a small percentage of the class, and just a year ago I was the queen of spin! Doesn't take long to fall out of shape, does it? I worked up a serious sweat and my legs were jello by the time I was finished but I was so proud for completing it. I plan on going again next Monday and Wednesday.
At this point I'm still motivated to work out. I don't know how long I will feel that way for, but I'm going to try and go with this feeling as long as I possibly can! It's also nice to not feel PRESSURE to work out, but to do it to the fullest when I do feel up to it.
The eating went well today also, still going strong! I'm so happy that I'm learning how to cook in the process. I'm definitely more adept at navigating a kitchen now! My mom still hovers over me to make sure I don't burn the house down, and I appreciate that. Because I sure as hell don't trust myself 100% at the stove or oven haha.
Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:
-Omelette: 3 egg whites, diced bell peppers, salsa & a slice of lowfat swiss
-2 trader joe potato pancakes
*I really only need one potato pancake, for the future. 2 felt like too many even though they were small.

Lunch:
-Chicken burger seasoned with salt, pepper & garlic powder with 1 tbsp. tomato basil hummus on a whole wheat thin bun.
-1 sugar free vanilla pudding cup
-small glass 0 calorie turkey hill green tea (just wanted to try it)

Dinner:
-Baked 4oz chicken breast "stuffed" with 1 slice lowfat swiss & 1 slice lowfat deli ham
-2/3 cup brown rice

Dessert/Snack:
-1/2 c. fat free cottage cheese with 1/2 of a macintosh apple, sliced, sprinkled with some cinnamon
-Small cup of peppermint mocha coffee with a tiny amount of whip cream on top (from a coffeeshop)

Water:
-3 bottles, just starting a full glass now.

I'm really liking the food I'm eating. I don't feel like I'm suffering at all. There are definitely moments when I crave something bad just because it's in front of me, but I am able to walk away. I was at my friend's house today and she has a shelf filled with keebler cookies, mac 'n cheese, sugary cereals, all the stuff I used to eat! I stared at it kind of drooling, but stepped away. She wouldn't have let me eat any of it anyway haha. I also was hypnotized by the dessert counter at the coffee shop tonight, but instead of buying a cookie or slice of cake I opted to have a little whip cream on my coffee to satisfy the sweet tooth. Every day isn't going to be perfect, but instead of focusing on what wasn't 100% right that day, I need to look at the big picture and see that my eating habits over the last (almost 3) weeks has been stellar, especially compared with what I used to put into my body! Pat on the back for me! I feel really empowered by the effort I've been making and can only hope that I can make the determination last long enough to make this a lifestyle change instead of a short-term endeavor.

Day 17

I officially started working out on Day 17! It's about damn time! I woke up this morning at 9 (which is so early for me) and brought a one-time guest pass to the Flemington Retro Fitness. My friend came with me and I found that I was super energized before I even started working out. I honestly think, as lazy as I can be, I've had all this pent-up energy from not being active for months, and I was chomping at the bit to get on a treadmill. I went on the treadmill for a total of 25 minutes and alternated between fast walking and full-out running. I ran 3 times over the course of the 25 minutes, each time being the length of whatever song I was listening to. It was an easy way to give myself a small goal with each running spurt. In my head I kept saying "just make it to the end of this song". Each song was about 3.5 minutes, so I ran a total of 10.5 minutes. It doesn't seem like long but I haven't run since June or July so to be able to run that much at all is a huge deal for me. Plus I was actually happy to be running. I felt like a dog that's been cooped up in a cage only to finally be let out into the yard! It was a great feeling. I then moved on to the circuit machines, going around doing arms and legs for about 20 minutes. The arm exercises are so much harder for me, I'm a total upper-body weakling. We spent the last 20 minutes doing some balance ball & core exercises. We did plank poses, balance ball crunches, wall/ball squats and some medicine ball passing. I had worked up a good sweat, my heart was racing and all my muscles hurt. All in all an effective gym trip!

My food choices could have been better today but I chose to treat myself a little. Maybe one day on the weekend, if I really have a craving, I'll let myself have it so that I don't totally go crazy and relapse over time. I went to Elements Asia to eat and got general tso's chicken with brown rice. It was good but I actually left some because it was just SO SWEET! All that sauce just got to me by the end. I just stole some of my friend's steamed broccoli off her plate and ate that to break up the sweetness of my meal. According to various websites, general tso's is about 850 calories...I'd say with the rice it would total almost 1,000. But since I knew I was having a calorie-heavy lunch I ate light in the morning and afterwards. My friend ordered steamed chicken with broccoli, brown rice and brown sauce on the side and you know what? After our food was brought out I actually thought hers looked more appealing than mine did! I guess I've started to get a taste for lighter food...that's a good thing!

I was in a fantastic mood the rest of the day, and I attribute that to the exercising. My friend is knowledgeable in nutrition and has taught various fitness classes, so she brought me to Trader Joe's to buy some more natural foods. (Keep in mind everything they carry is all-natural). I got spinach, mushrooms, tomato basil hummus, frozen potato pancakes (figured one taste yummy with egg white for breakfast!), frozen whole grain waffles, 2 all-natural frozen veggie pizzas (no preservatives, great for if I have to ever just run out of the house!), a box of green tea bags, gummy multivitamins, dark chocolate caramel squares (2 pieces a serving and only 60 cal a serving!) and a bottle of agave nectar (I learned that this natural sweetener is the lowest one on the glycemic index and I could use it in tea, coffee or on pancakes if I want). I already cooked and made some food for myself for tomorrow. Can it be that I'm actually ENJOYING cooking? That's very new territory for me and I'm glad I'm getting out of my comfort zone! I also am enjoying drinking water, and anyone who knows me well knows how much I HATE water....but I'm starting to crave it, and I noticed that my skin has been glowing...my friend even complimented me on it today without me even bringing it up first. This is good. This is sooooo good!

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-Kashi whole grain dark chocolate cherry bar

Lunch:

-General Tso's chicken with brown rice at Elements Asia

-1 glass brewed iced tea with 1 sweet & low

"Dessert":

-2 dark chocolate caramel squares (satisfied my chocolate craving in an instant) and so convenient to keep around! They came in a little resealable tin!

Snack:

-1/2 macintosh apple

-1 cup of hot green tea with 1/2 tsp agave nectar

Very proud of myself. I also can't get over how easy it is to "move on" after eating something that's not such a healthy choice. But then again now that I'm better able to accept my "mistakes" it's easy to forget about it and just keep going forward! I'm really proud of myself and I haven't felt this good about accomplishing anything in a very long time! I'm going to the gym 2 times tomorrow. Once in the morning for just some circuit or treadmill work, then later on for a spin class (which I truly can't wait for...it's my favorite!) Going to go to bed and get a good night's rest, I need it!

Day 16

On day 16, still going strong! Not much to say today since things are still going along as planned with the exception of exercise. I ate really well today, utilizing all the ingredients I bought yesterday. I had coffee, and I think since I haven't had strong Starbucks coffee in a while, it hit my stomach like a brick...not cool. I felt pretty gross after that, nauseous actually. Serves me right. I'm trying to be healthy and stay away from caffeine and I drink one of the strongest cups of coffee I've ever had. Other than that, today was a success. I also tried to not sit as much today...tried to let work keep me on my feet! I'm actually going to work out tomorrow at 10am at a Retro Fitness that my friend belongs to...I'm really excited. I swear to you all i'm not a lazy ass, I just need to get into the right grove. I am actually pumped to run on a treadmill with music in my ears and sweating my behind off. I'm also going out to eat, but we're getting sushi so I'm not worried. I'm about to look up some healthy sushi suggestions so I'm prepared for tomorrow. Planning ahead is definitely the smartest thing I've been doing. It has helped me tremendously.

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-Kashi whole grain dark chocolate cherry bar

Snack:

-Sugar free, gluten free pudding - DELICIOUS

-Starbucks Tall Komodo blend coffee w/ small amount of fat free milk & 2 sweet and lows

Lunch:

-Baked chicken breast with salsa & brown rice

Snack:

-Celery w/ 2 tbsp reduced sugar peanut butter

Dinner:

-1 slice lowfat ham, 1 slice lowfat turkey, fat free mayo on whole wheat bun

Water:

-4 bottles

*I also had 1 small bite of my friend's stuffed french toast. I don't think a bit contributes much but since I've been airing out my dirty laundry I figured I'd confess to it anyway.

I need to research some recipes using the ingredients I now have. The salsa chicken thing was "eh". I marinated the chicken in the salsa then baked it. But it really just tasted like plain chicken with salsa on top. I wanted to add cheese but I noticed that I've been adding a LOT of dairy to my meals and snacks so I don't want to make that a trend. Also the fat free mayo is disgusting even though it's Kraft. Gonna toss that for sure. Other than that my choices have been good!

I'm looking forward to the workout tomorrow, will surely report my experience in tomorrow night's post!

Day 15

I am now at the start of week 3. Still positive all around! I'm hoping I can continue having this willpower through the 4th week as well, since I usually seem to lose my grip in the 4th week. That's another typical pattern of mine that I'm hoping to break. I'm going to the gym on Sunday with a friend so I'm positive that I'm going to start being more physically active. That gets me excited! I know it sounds like I'm slacking with the exercise sometimes but I also have to strategically find time to work out as well. I'm supposed to exercise at least 3 hours after eating and 3 hours before going to bed. I always end up being out all day, then I never want to work out at bedtime because I'm tired! But I'm determined to find time, because even a half hour a day is better than nothing!

I weighed myself again for no reason, and I lost another .5 lbs. That brings the total to 2 lbs in 2 weeks, which I guess isn't bad at all especially since I haven't really been exercising. I plan to not weigh myself again now until day 30, so I have another 2 weeks to go. I'm kind of hoping I lose more than 2 lbs over the next 2 weeks, since I am intent on on not slipping up with my diet, I've been taking calcium and plan on upping my physical activity starting in the next few days. I'm so happy that I'm not tired of eating well! There are so many things I can attribute to the new outlook and I won't go into them all but I know things have changed for the better and I have a new outlook on everything.

I went food shopping today! My friend came with me for moral support an so we can find good deals! I'm a super bargain shopper and I love to read labels! This is what I bought today all for $30.76

-4 pack of chicken burgers (same calories as a turkey burger but less $$)

-Pack of 5 thin-sliced (4oz) chicken breasts (100 cal/each)

-10 light fat free yogurts

-Tub of fat free cottage cheese

-1/4 lb light ham (deli sliced)

-1/4 lb lowfat alpine lace swiss

-1/4 lb fat free turkey breast

-1 box plain oatmeal

-1 box 10-minute whole grain rice

-(1) 4-pack sugar free vanilla pudding

-(1) 4-pack sugar free chocolate pudding

-(2) tubs reduced sugar peanut butter

-5 cans of healthy choice soup, 2 servings each...so essentially 10 servings

-1 can of salsa

I'm really happy with my bargain hunting! And this time I bought more "essentials" - AKA meat. It's hard to make meals when all you have are vegetables! I still have lots of veggie burgers and bread at home too so I don't have to buy any more of those, but I am going to go veggie & fruit shopping tomorrow or sunday. I really enjoy food shopping and I love reading labels...I wanted to buy whole wheat breadcrumbs today, I found some and read the label...the 2nd ingredient was high fructose corn syrup! How natural is THAT?! I'm glad I'm learning to make better choices. I also cooked tonight! Here's what I ate:

Breakfast:

-fresh omelette: 3 egg whites with 1/2 slice lowfat swiss, small sprinkle fat free mozzarella, green peppers, onions & spinach

-Coffee with 1 tbsp coffeemate creamer

Lunch:

-veggie burger on whole wheat bun with lowfat swiss and ketchup

-1 banana

Dinner:

-Baked chicken breast stuffed with 1 slice ham & 1 slice lowfat swiss

-1 cup veggie soup

Snack:

-1 fiber one bar

Water:

1 liter & 1 20-oz bottle. Drinking another 20 oz now.

I'm so happy! For the first time in my life I feel in control instead of letting a diet control me. Let's try to keep up the good vibes!

Day 14

2 week mark! Weighed myself today. Not good. Lost 1.5 lbs in 2 weeks...not going to lie, I'm a little discouraged. Not that I expected to lose a LOT, but I think the change in my dietary habits are drastic enough to result in a weight loss of 2 lbs or higher. The trick now is to not get discouraged! In the past I'd look at my minimal weight loss, say "EFF THIS" and start eating junk. But not this time. Whatever I get the urge to do, I just tell myself to do the opposite and I know I'll succeed. 1.5 lbs may not be a lot but it's more than 0! Especially considering I'm not really working out yet. I'm sure 1.5 lbs of fat in my hand would seem like a lot. Numbers aren't everything. The point is that I'm blasting through these roadblocks like I'm playing pong! If we could just get the heart rate up with some cardio I'd be totally unstoppable. Until I have some funds I'm going to try and mooch of my friends and see if I can go as a guest with anyone to their gym. So far I have 2 or 3 volunteers so I'm going to try to keep that up for a week or so until I get paid. I'm usually pretty lazy but I just want to get my ass up and moving! I'll go running, hiking, biking, rock climbing, I don't care I just want to be moving. If anyone wants to do any activities let me know and I'll certainly be up for it! I will definitely brave the snow & ice for the sake of cardio!

Eating is still going well, I have moments that are hard and moments that are surprisingly easy. The part that's the most shocking to me is that I've been drinking lots of water with ease. I hate water. HATE IT. Well I guess I USED to hate it. I actually like it now. And it's become a habit to keep a big glass right next to me while I'm at my computer I bought straws so I just sip sip sip and before I even realize it I've drank 3 or 4 glasses in one sitting.

I seriously need to go food shopping. The last few days I've eaten whatever my mom makes for herself, which is healthy to begin with, but I'd like to expand my recipe horizons and come up with some new meals. A friend told me that she makes a small chicken breast and stuffs it with cheese & veggies, which sounds goddamn delicious. I would like to try that, just need to get some more stuff from the store! I would obviously make sure I use low fat cheese, but the veggies are great and as long as I bake the chicken I'm sure it will be delicious and nutritious.

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-1 packet plain oatmeal with some blueberries

Snack:

-Banana

Lunch:

-Small serving of beef stew (beef, potatoes, carrots, onions & beef broth) homemade.

Snack:

-Sugar free vanilla pudding cup

Dinner:

-Homemade soup: Brown rice, red beans, escarole

-1 chicken turnover, homemade by a friend (not sure what was in it)

Water:

4 glasses so far, on a 20 oz bottle currently.

Very proud of my eating! I'm trying to see past the 1.5 lbs on the scale and just keep trucking. At least I lost something! I also started taking some calcium, as studies show that people who take calcium while on a diet tend to lose more weight than people who are not taking it. Once before, when I had lost 20 lbs, I was taking calcium and it definitely sped up the weight loss process. So I figure it can't hurt to do it again! I want to try and do something active tomorrow, I'll see if I can try to get outside and get moving one way or another. I have plans already to work out on Sunday and Monday as well. I want to try to be sitting less! So far that part isn't working so well as I've been online editing etc since I got home at 8. I have faith that I'll get up and moving soon enough.

Day 13

I'm almost at the 2-week mark! And while I wish I've been more active with exercise I'm extremely proud of the way I've been eating and generally taking care of my body. I've managed to not only eat less but to also eat healthier more natural and nutritious foods. I'm choosing home-made foods instead of packaged and processed meals, and I'm actually cooking myself for once. I do need to do some more food shopping at the end of this week when I get paid as I'm running low in ingredients with substance (meat), especially after the bleeding chicken incident from yesterday! I can't say that I feel BETTER really as I think most physiological benefits would come from exercise rather than diet, but I do notice I'm not bloated, never feel that gross "full" feeling and my complexion looks a lot better. I don't notice a difference in energy level but like I said that will come from working out. I did my cardio workout today (most of it, anyway) and i HATE IT. I don't know why, I don't even fully understand it myself, but I absolutely despise it. I'm miserable during it, and I don't even feel good or energized afterward. There has to be a better alternative to this! Maybe I do need to join a gym where I can go to classes and enjoy myself in a group atmosphere. I'm going to start looking into it. Later tonight I exercised with a friend: by playing video games. Dancing games and some other kinect games, we worked up a sweat and snacked (healthily)

Here is my food diary for today:

Breakfast:

-Whole wheat french toast (made with skim milk & egg whites & a tsp of pumpkin nondairy creamer for flavor) with nutmeg & cloves and 1/8c lite syrup

Dinner:

-Half-size grilled chicken caesar salad at applebee's (400 cal)

-Unsweetened iced tea

Snack:

-1/2 bag of 100 calorie popcorn

-1 cup assorted fruit

-(2) weight watchers ice cream bars

Water Consumption:

4 large glasses

Breakfast sounds like a lot, but if you actually break it down I know it wasn't bad at all. The whole grain bread was a good choice, I used 1 egg white with skim milk and nondairy creamer for the liquid and most of it was left in the bowl after I dunked the bread, and I only used a small amount of syrup. Also you'll notice that I didn't eat lunch, but this was because I woke up at 12:30 and ate "breakfast" at about 1pm. I then went straight to dinner at 5pm, and the snacks were at 6 & 7. The only reason I allowed myself to eat a little more at snacktime is because I didn't have a lunch. I already packed my food for tomorrow so it won't be "winging it" as much. I work all day tomorrow so my only obstacle would be potentially being bored sitting around, but I'm going to try to prevent that as much as possible.

Day 12

Let me begin this post by saying that I can't believe I managed to bounce back from the unhealthy eating this past weekend. In the past, any slip up would normally have resulted in a complete relapse and I'd feel shameful and full of hate for myself. This time is different. I acknowledge my mistakes and instead of diving down into a negativity spiral I picked myself up and moved on. It might not seem like a big deal to anybody else, but since it's the first time I've ever managed to salvage myself it's a huge deal to me.

Since eating better, I've taken note of some patterns in what I crave and when, and how everything I consume subsequently leads to or diminishes those cravings. I should start off by elaborating on the "hormone disorder" I referenced in my very first blog post. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, sometimes known as PCOS. Elevated insulin levels are among the most prominent characteristics of the disorder. Now I noticed that each time I ate something that had refined starches or was high in sugar, I then craved the same type of foods throughout the day...so much so that it became almost a NEED to satisfy an addiction. Eating foods with that kind of starch content gave me a kind of "high" which I then was forced to fuel the rest of the day, and any amount of trying to talk myself out of it wouldn't really work. It was beyond mental, it was a physical need. Well I was actually reading an article online today on PCOS, and it focused on the insulin levels. I had never really taken the time to find out what insulin actually does and what roles it plays in the body. I took the time to research it and was surprised by what I found. Basically, I learned that eating foods high on the glycemic index (corn flakes for example) your body converts them too rapidly and instead of using it for fuel, it's almost immediately burned up, your blood sugar then spikes which give you a sugar rush or sugar high, and you then need to eat sooner and more often. I laughed when I read this since I felt like it offered an explanation for my observations. Furthermore, eating foods with a low glycemic index (such as oatmeal), your body will break it down more slowly and release it into your bloodstream gradually, and thus you would feel the need to eat less often. It was really incredible to actually take the time to learn something that I probably should have looked into a long time ago. Also, my disorder comes with a high risk of diabetes due to the irregularity in insulin levels, and professionals recommend a low-glycemic diet as a remedy. I don't want diabetes. And I certainly don't want to be the one standing in the way of my health and long life. It really was intriguing to find proof of what I've been noticing. When I eat sugary or carb-loaded foods, my body then needs to feed that high. The only way to not crave those types of foods is to not eat them to begin with. I noticed that on Saturday night when I drank some alcohol, the next day all I craved was sugar and starches. My body felt like rejecting water, instead it wanted juice. On another note, I also read that carbohydrates affect moods. Not that it gives me an excuse for being mad at myself when I "mess up" but I suppose it's a contributing factor. Basically the sugar high a person gets when eating sugar or carbs eventually leads to a "crash" - aka a sudden drop in seratonin (the "feel good" chemical), thus causing sleepiness, hostility and depression. I'm glad I was able to get a hold on myself and stop the cycle dead in its tracks. This information will better allow me to control my eating in the future as well. If I'm hungry, or out to dinner, I will know to at least choose a meat dish or salad versus a carb-loaded sandwich or pasta dish and that way I won't crave bad foods or feel bad about myself either!

I didn't work out today, but I got out my calendar and figured out a workout schedule. Monday, Wed and Fri I'm home during the day so I will do cardio on those days. No one wants to hear my fat ass jumping around like a nutjob at midnight. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights will be circuit nights. It's nice and quiet and easy to do without the family being up in my business. Tomorrow=cardio! Also, a friend of mine told me I could come as her guest to my college gym, where they offer spinning among other things. Works for me!

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-2 slices whole grain toast with 2 tbsp peanut butter

Snack:

-Sugar free chocolate pudding with a banana

Lunch:

-Veggie burger on whole grain bun

-1 serving campbells natural meatball soup (all-natural ingredients)

Dinner:

-Grilled cheese: Wheat bread, lowfat american, lowfat swiss and lowfat mozzarella (1 slice each) and 2 big slices of tomato

-Small handful of olives

Water:

-3 bottles

Food analysis: The peanut butter is a treat for me. It gives me the sweetness I occasionally like in the morning but with the satisfaction of protein. The one I tried today had 1/3 less sugar. I'd like to still find a better brand...one that's not TOO natural but not full-sugar either. The puddings are delicious and sugar free. Lunch would have been good, but I somehow managed to microwave the veggie burger twice and it had the consistency of shoe leather. The soup was very natural tasting. Maybe too natural. Tasted blander than home-made. Dinner was a clusterf***. I came home starving and figured I would make chicken...and discovered that the freezer broke, causing the whole raw chicken to BLEED all over the freezer, so I threw it out. We didn't have any other meat that was readily available for my use so I just used cheese. The GOOD part was that I actually came home, opened the freezer and saw lean pockets...which would have been a much quicker and low-calorie option. But since I'm trying to eat naturally, I kept hungrier just a few minutes longer so I could make my sandwich. All in all, today was a good day :)

Days 8, 9, 10 & 11 (friday-monday)

The weekend passed by WAY too fast! Can't believe I'm about to start Day 12 already! Time to tell you how I did...I made it through most of the weekend being "good". Basically I ate well Friday, Saturday and MOST of Sunday, and didn't do well today. In my head I kept saying that I was "bad" and feeling bad for what I ate...but then I started thinking that although I'm doing a 90-day challenge, the changes I'm making are lifelong, not just a short-term fix. I will have "good" and "bad" days. I will have days where I don't stick to my plan at all, and days where my eating is pristine. It's all a long and gradual process. A complete nutritional makeover and I can't expect it to happen overnight without incident. And as much as I can make these logical points, I still have a hard time ACCEPTING this and continue to get angry at myself for making mistakes. I feel that once I can actually realize that I'm only human, that I make mistakes, and that a small slip won't set me back than I know I can make better progress. Instead of yelling at myself for the trip-ups, I should be commending myself for sticking to it, more so than I have in the past.

This weekend was very hard for me. I didn't have any problem eating well on Friday, and I drank lots of water. I didn't have any problems eating saturday either. Sunday started off really well, and since I knew we were eating out at a group dinner I planned to allow myself to have something "bad" when we went out. However, I think knowing that I'd be eating bad later allowed me to make some exceptions and snack poorly on sunday as well. Today (Monday) was a travel day and although I planned to eat well I just couldn't stick with it. Here is what I ate all weekend:

Friday:

Breakfast:

-Kashi whole grain bar

Snack:

-Sugar free chocolate pudding

Lunch:

-Beef stew over brown rice

Snack:

-Sliced green apples with peanut butter

Dinner:

-Chicken parm (made with homemade fresh tomato sauce, low fat mozzarella cheese, and baked (not breaded) skinless chicken

Saturday:

Breakfast:

-Plain oatmeal with a sliced banana in it

Snack:

-Chocolate pudding

Lunch:

-Turkey, lowfat swiss, fat free mayo, spinach and tomato on whole wheat bread

Snack:

-Fat free strawberry greek yogurt with blueberries

Dinner:

-Homemade thin crust pizza on wheat flatbread with fresh tomato sauce, lowfat mozzarella, peppers onions and hot sausage

-1 sweet sausage link

Late-night food:

-pb&j on white bread at around 2am (we were drinking)

Drinks:

-1 ginger ale with captain morgan rum

-3 ginger ale with vodka

Sunday:

Breakfast:

-Very small portion scrambled eggs (made with whole milk)

-3 strips turkey bacon

-small portion fresh homemade potatoes w/ peppers & onions

-glass of orange juice

Snack:

-Sugar free chocolate pudding with a banana

Lunch:

-Veggie burger with ketchup, tomato slices, spinach and onions on wheat

Snack(?)

-Barrel candy from a country store

Dinner:

-6 buffalo wings w/ blue cheese

-22oz beer

-cup of sprite

Monday:

Breakfast:

-Kashi whole grain bar

Lunch:

-Pulled pork sandwich (not eaten from the night before)

-Plain white spaghetti with oil & sprinkled breadcrumbs and parmesan cheese

-handful of olives

-slices of italian bread

Snack:

-4oz low fat ice cream with some mini marshmallows

Dinner:

-Mexican restaurant: 1 chicken burrito (filled only with chicken), 1 beef taco with cheese & lettuce, refried beans, rice and green pepper sauce

-Unsweetened iced tea

Drinks:

-Cafe au lait

So that was my doozie of a weekend. I'm trying to convince myself that although I made poor choices between 10pm saturday and 10pm tonight, it is OK to just keep moving forward instead of focusing on what I did wrong. I want to start tomorrow fresh and ready to move ahead. I want to wake up, make my daily food, work and come home and work out. In that order, just like that. No excuses, no feeling tired, no "not feeling up to it". I don't want this weekend to stick out in my head and cause me anguish. I'm only human, and this is a lifestyle change that will take a while to grow accustomed to. It is unrealistic to think I will never have an alcoholic beverage again just as it's not realistic to think I will never go out to eat, either. I definitely have found a pattern in my weakness, though, as I notice when I'm alone I don't do as poorly as when I'm around friends who are eating whatever they want. Food for me is definitely something that helps me to connect socially with my peers...going to a country general store in the middle of nowhere and eating homemade barrel candy is part of a vacation experience, and I feel torn between the need to enjoy being my young self and trying to unnaturally control myself in a situation where it's odd to not partake in certain food-oriented activities. It's a hard balance to maintain and I definitely have not figured out how to take control of it. I often feel like I didn't have enough peer socialization as a child, mostly stemming from the fact that I didn't have anybody to hang out with until much later on in life. It's almost as if I'm making up for it now and I'm trying to squeeze in all the fun until I get pushed into the big 3-0. It's unfortunate that to definitively have a good time you need to involve alcohol, and while I know there are plenty activities I love where food isn't involved most hangouts revolve around hors d'oeuvres, share-worthy platters, beer and pizza pies. I don't understand how I'm supposed to walk into a football party with a tupperware filled with brown rice and grilled chicken and not feel sad for myself. Sad that I can't enjoy a party on the same level as others simply because I can't eat the chips in the bowl. Am I supposed to cut myself off from that kind of exposure? Or be able to somehow push the temptation down repeatedly until I'm just not tempted anymore? Like I said this is a process and for each step I take more questions and worries arise. I hope to resolve them all as I go along, and to learn how to make this nutritional overhaul stick for the long-haul.

Day 7

It has officially been 7 days since I started my 90 day challenge! Woohoo! only 83 more to go...

The eating has been going REALLY well. I feel a confidence boost, and I'm giving myself a big pat on the back for doing as good as I have been so far. The exercising needs work, I say that every day, but I've finally come up with a solution to this. It struck me that I've only ever had "success" working out when I've done so with a friend or in a group setting. I just don't have the drive to push myself to stand in front of a TV doing workouts all alone. This summer when I was running 2 miles a day, I went with a friend...when I went to spin class, it was with a group of friends. When I did yoga and kickboxing, it was with my sister. I'm not using it as an excuse, but maybe to get started and get off the ground I need the support of somebody with the same goals as myself. At least to jump-start my workout routine. My friend bought the same 90-day workout DVDs at the same time I did, so starting Tuesday (since I'm away until Monday) every morning we are going to meet up at 8am at her house and do the DVDs together. She also has a treadmill and other workout equipment, so we vowed to contribute a full hour to working out with a combination of the half-hour dvd and 15 min to a half hour on the treadmill. She was very motivational this summer when we went running, so I know we can do this again. She knows how to whip my behind into action! I'm excited about working out now, and I'm looking forward to it. As for this weekend, we are going tubing and/or snowboarding so I know I will find ways to stay active for the next few days!

I mentioned in previous posts how I was worried about what I'm going to eat this weekend as I'll be away in the poconos from Friday-Monday, surrounded by food that other people are cooking and possibly succumbing to peer pressure. So, I took a few steps to remedy this. 1) I messaged my cousin (who arranged the whole weekend) and told her what I was trying to accomplish, and that if I bring my own food it's not meant to insult anybody. She was truly understanding and said that she would pass the word along to everybody so that nobody feels uncomfortable about it. 2) Tonight I made every meal for this weekend from breakfast tomorrow all the way to lunch on Monday. I figure if I bring meals that are already made I won't want to waste them so I will eat them, and that way I won't give in to temptation. I also didn't bring more than I plan to eat, that way I won't eat too much for the day. I'm going out to dinner on Monday so I will have to be mindful of what I eat, but I'm going out with a friend who is certified in nutrition so I know he'll help me make a good decision!

I worked today and anticipated being bored and craving food, but I made sure to clean and find chores to do so that I'd be kept busy. A coworker offered me keebler fudge stripe cookies (one of my faves) but I just said no and let her finish the pack. Once they were gone there was nothing I could do about it! I'm so happy that I was able to turn her down. Here is what i DID end up eating today:

Breakfast:

-1 packet plain oatmeal with a sliced banana

Snack:

-Sliced green apple with 2 tbs. peanut butter

Lunch:

-Veggie burger on THIN whole grain bun with lettuce, tomato, onions and a little ketchup

Snack:

-Sugar-free vanilla pudding cup

Dinner:

-4oz marinated herb chicken breast with sliced green peppers

Water:

3 bottles (so far...the night is young!)

I'm really happy! I love being able to type this out without remorse or regret, with out hating myself. But you know what? I think even if I DID "mess up", I wouldn't be as harsh on myself because I realize that this is all a lifestyle change and a process, not a short-term goal. I want to keep pushing myself to do good as I have been so far. I just need to start the working out, which is scheduled to happen Tuesday unless I find other means of working out while I'm away this weekend. I'm going to bring the workout DVDs with me anyway on the off-chance that everyone except me leaves the house for an hour haha. Alright well this is my last post until Monday (which will be a long one!). You will all soon see how my weekend in the POCONOS turned out! Did I cave in? Did I lose my willpower? Stay tuned!

Day 6

I'm here at the end of Day 6 and I want to start off by saying I am very proud of myself so far. A friend of mine pointed out to me that I'm being too hard on myself for not working out, and that I should be commending myself for the progress I've made so far. She's right. I know I essentially signed up for a consistent 90-day program, and I've basically been "rushing" myself into thinking I need to just start up "hardcore" right away. I have to realize that I haven't worked out in almost 6 months, and that I need to learn how to work the exercising into my schedule as well, which is a problem I've mentioned here before. With that said, I am truly happy with the progress I've made in 6 days, and the fact that I have stuck to being better to my body and treating it the way it deserves to be treated. I've not only started eating more pure, but I've also started taking even better care of my skin, hair, etc. I started deep conditioning, wearing clarifying masks at night (god help whoever run into me in the hallway in the dark with one of those on!) moisturizing daily, wearing less makeup instead of piling it on every day and using better-quality beauty/body products overall. I've also decided to go back to my natural color after years of dying it every shade under the sun and I'm going to really nourish my body inside and out for once.

Today I was out running errands almost the entire day, and I noticed once I got home how easily I made it through the day without the urge to grab some fast food or a snack. I also noticed that at home I don't feel like eating more than is necessary. I think the fact that I'm consuming less sugar and no processed foods makes a difference in what I end up craving throughout my day. I did some more food shopping today so I could add some variety to my meals. I bought marinated frozen chicken breasts (10 4-oz servings in the package, 100 cal. a serving), some fat free mayo (we'll see how that tastes!) some very thin whole wheat burger buns, morningstar veggie burgers, kashi whole grain breakfast bars (for if I have to run in the a.m.), ready to serve brown rice (always handy) and some sugar free puddings (to satisfy the chocolate craving i occasionally encounter). When I was shopping, I was so tempted to just buy some frozen lean cuisines so i can grab one if i need to run or if i'm somewhere where cooking a meal just isn't an option. But I thought hard about it and said NO, since all that food is processed and prepared, none of it contains whole grain, and they all contain sugar-filled sauces. Even if it IS a controlled amount of calories, the quality isn't there. I like the fact that I'm starting to cook (a miracle for me) and cooking really allows me to SEE what I'm putting into my body versus just nuking something for 2 minutes before I stuff it down. The prep time allows me to BOND with my food and see all the quality ingredients I'm consuming.

I already cooked my food for tomorrow and I even bought glad containers to put it in. I won't tell you what I made (since I'll be posting that tomorrow!) But here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-2 slices whole wheat toast with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter

Lunch:

-Turkey & Low fat swiss with dijon mustard on a whole wheat wrap

Snack:

-Blueberry nonfat greek yogurt with 1/4 cup blueberries

Dinner:

-A cup of beef stew (home made with tender beef, potatoes onions in beef broth) poured over a cup of brown rice

-Steamed broccoli

Snack:

-Sugar free vanilla pudding cup

Water:

-on my 4th glass (so almost 2 liters)

Food analysis: I enjoy having the peanut butter, and I liked that I ate it in the morning rather than at night. It kept me really satisfied (I ate breakfast at 10:30 and lunch at 3 and didn't feel hungry in between) and it was a good way to get protein in the morning. However I wonder if I should get a more natural peanut butter, this was regular peter pan kind. I can't go TOTALLY natural, that stuff is gross! My wrap was delicious, simple, I sat eating it while reading a book as I waited for my car to get an oil change, and I drank a bottle of water with it. I was definitely satisfied! The yogurt was good, I enjoyed adding the actual blueberries to blueberry yogurt haha. The brand I've been eating is yoplait greek style...it's not as good as real greek yogurt (i like chobani the best) it doesn't taste much different than regular yogurt, but it was less expensive...next time I'll splurge for the real stuff! I was proud of dinner! I was going to cook and then saw the beef stew, which I knew was pure since my mother made it herself, and took it as an opportunity to have some of the brown rice i bought (which comes in an individual cup and takes 1 minute to microwave!) instant (natural) dinner for once! The pudding was a nice indulgence (at least it felt like one) and gave me the sweet taste I sometimes crave even though it doesn't have sugar. The only qualm I have with how I've been eating is I notice I have a lot of dairy, and a lot of bread still, so I modified this for tomorrow's meals (you'll see later on).

So after 6 days I feel good, will work my way back into exercising tomorrow with some cardio & abs, I am proud of myself for making it through even 6 days. I'm a little scared for this weekend in the poconos, as even though I'm bringing my own food I know the temptation will be fierce! Someone is cooking pancakes one morning, and I'm in charge of cooking bacon, eggs, sausage, etc. one morning...Usually how I end up feeling in situations like this is ANGRY, because I hate how everyone else can have a good time, party with friends, eat junk all weekend and have fun like normal 20-somethings and I always have to watch. I can't spend friday-monday eating crap because I'll basically undo what I've already done! My only strategy would be to bring foods that are similar enough to what everyone else is eating but healthy enough so i can eat them. For example, if someone makes burgers, i'll eat a veggie burger. or if someone makes hoagies, i'll make sure to use my own wheat bread and low fat cheese. The first night someone is cooking baked ziti I think, so that's going to be tough to handle. Maybe I will eat it, but just a small portion? I don't have wheat pasta on hand and I would hate to ask anyone to alter their recipe for me. If there's going to be any alcohol involved I'm sure I won't have a problem declining that, I'm not a big drinker to begin with. I will just make sure I'm constantly drinking water and adhere to a somewhat normal sleep schedule! Tomorrow will also be my last post until monday, since we won't have any internet access up in the mountains. Will everyone be in suspense wondering if I caved? We'll just have to wait and see. But I have massive amounts of faith in myself and I'll be surrounded by people who only want to see me succeed so I think I'll be ok. Adios for now!

Day 5

I didn't work out today. :( There, I said it. I don't hate myself for it though, and it hasn't gotten me down like I thought it would. I think it's because I know I'm being better to my body in general with the eating and the water. I just need to stay active. I definitely need to work out a better exercise schedule as well. I think I just need to "suck it up" and start getting up earlier than I'd like to. From May till August of 2010 I was getting up at 6am (YES 6am!) to drive to my friend's house to go running for 2 miles with her. We were so dedicated! Where is that drive? Where is the energy to get up early? It seems i've lost that kind of motivation. I also think the workout itself is boring. I mean yes I sweat and yes i'm sore but it's SO BORING! It's also probably the cheapest video production I've ever seen. It's just 3 people in a white room on mats. It was probably done in someone's basement. There is nothing exciting about it. My favorite workout so far (ever) is spin class. I LOVE LOVE LOVE spinning. Does anyone know of an inexpensive gym that offers spin? It was free while I was a student, and my friend worked at a gym so I used to come as her guest to take spin, and I really really miss it. It kept me energized and after I did it I always felt like I could kick some major butt! I will definitely be sticking with my current workout through the 90 days but I would love to find something fun and supplemental that I can do in my spare time. A friend of mine invited me to come check out a gym he owns that specializes in kettlebells...THAT sounds fun! I like having someone coaching me, pushing me, making me exert myself till I'm ready to drop. I don't push myself like that when I'm alone. But I love the feeling of working out that hard. You feel like you can accomplish anything and conquer the world. If anyone has any ideas or knows of any inexpensive gyms or classes please let me know I'd love to hear your suggestions! I hate that instead of feeling energized after the beachbody workout I feel "eh", and just go back to my usual laziness. When I do an energetic workout I usually stay active the rest of the day. A great workout sets the stage for the next 24 hours and I tend to spend less time sitting down if I get energized in the morning. I need to tweak this regimen.

As far as the eating is concerned, it's going great! Water too! I know it's only 5 days but I'm proud of myself! I was at work today, and I literally just sat for 8 hours and THAT was tough. I had a hard time spacing my meals apart. I felt the pull to eat out of boredom. I ate my snack early, even ate my lunch a little earlier than I should have. But then my coworker came in, we started talking, she did my hair, before I knew it it was time to leave. I didn't feel "hungry" at any time today, but sitting next to my bag of food with nothing to do caused me to start getting cravings the way I normally do. I even contemplated ordering a salad or sandwhich from the deli next store, but I had to talk myself out of it and I'm glad I did!

Here's my favorite part of the day: Listing my food!

Breakfast:

-1 slice plain whole wheat toast w/ 2 poached eggs

Snack:

-1 banana

Lunch:

-Seasoned turkey with lettuce, tomato, green peppers with low fat swiss and a little ketchup on a whole wheat flatbread

Snack:

-Plain cottage cheese

Dinner:

-Baked skinless lean chicken breast (4 oz.) with low fat swiss, tomato and red pepper sauce on 2 slices of whole wheat bread

Water:

1 liter (and currently drinking more)

I definitely need to go food shopping and expand my horizons. I'm kinda eating variations of the same foods here haha. Lots of bread too. I know it's whole wheat so that's better, but I'd at least like dinner to be lean meat with a vegetable or something like that. I'm definitely eating less though. DEFINITELY. I don't feel sick or gross or stuffed or lethargic from eating the way I did before. But I would like to get some more recipes under my belt since this whole cooking thing is new to me. I want to try and get a little more creative.

So I guess overall this is good so far but I still feel unsatisfied in the exercise department. Like I said if anyone has any suggestions please comment on here or on my FB page...The workout I signed up for just isn't cutting it for me so far and I knew that the moment I popped the DVD in the machine...it was a "aw MANNN" moment. However I am still motivated to keep up the good eating and the lotttts of water drinking. Day 5 done!

Days 3 & 4

DAY 4:

Just so everyone gets the days straight, the above post for Day 3 was retroactive for Sunday, and today, Monday, is day 4. I did REALLY good today. Not that I didn't do well the other days, but I worked out and ate really well. I woke up really early (for me, anyway) and that coupled with the fact that i'm going to bed later made for the perfect eating schedule. I was able to eat breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner with about 3 or 4 hours in between each, and I drank a good amount of water. I also stayed active/busy, was in and out all day and I really never got the chance to "think" about extra eating. I really think eating out of boredom was a major problem for me, I know I mentioned this above already but it's funny how when you keep yourself busy and you come home it's like "oh wow it's time to eat again already?"...the other thing I noticed is that I used to have a laptop, and I was online a LOT and sat in front of my family room TV, and the next room over is the kitchen...so as I was mindlessly watching TV I'd be constantly going back and forth for snacks. Now, I have a desktop computer that's up in my room, and I really don't ever feel like going up and down stairs just to get a snack...this is probably one case where my laziness is actually paying off haha. Now although I can commend myself for a job well done so far, I really haven't had any TRUE temptation yet. I mean so far I have really just been around my family, who eat healthy to begin with. I haven't been around my friends, haven't gone out to any restaurants, haven't been to any parties, etc. So I don't know how strong my willpower is yet...but so far I'm doing better than I have in the past so that's good.

I just worked out, I know it's late but like I said I was in Cherry Hill this morning without my workout dvd, and I didn't want to work out in the middle of the day in between meals so I figured I'd wait before bed. My muscles have been sore since the last few days, and the workout tonight was HARD! It's all tough, but anything with arms is deadly...I have ZERO upper arm strength, so pushups etc. were hard. They tell you do do 8-15 reps of each exercise, and while it was very difficult I've been pushing myself to do at least the 8, since in my opinion it can only get better from there! I feel great and now lifting a glass of water to my mouth feels so difficult haha. Anyway, on to my favorite part of the blog, my food diary! Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-1 packet plain oatmeal with a sliced banana in it

Snack:

-Coffee (BLACK)

Lunch:

-turkey, low fat swiss cheese, dijon mustard and lettuce on whole wheat bread, put on a george foreman grill with 2 pickle slices on the side

Snack:

-plain nonfat greek yogurt with a sprinkle of granola cereal and a small drizzle of honey

Dinner:

-Self-made personal pizza: a whole wheat flatbread with homemade marinara (tomatoes, olive oil basil and garlic), low fat mozzarella cheese, sliced tomatoes, onions and bell peppers

-Small salad (romaine lettuce, spinach, bell pepper, carrots) with about 10 spritzes of spray balsamic salad dressing

Ok so some notes about the food. The plain oatmeal is very plain, but as soon as I add some fruit in it it's just delicious...it's not SOOO sweet the way flavored oatmeal is, and it's not so plain...it's really just right. The black coffee is SO not me, I'm Miss "grande caramel macchiato with extra whip" at starbucks. But after I poured my coffee this morning I noticed that my choice of additives was either whole milk, half and half or buttermilk (<-yes, seriously) and I chose to take no milk versus AWFUL FOR YOU milk. It actually was enjoyable. Plus, caffeine works as somewhat of an appetite suppressant for me, so I knew that I wouldn't want to eat soon after drinking the coffee. The sandwhich at lunch was really good, I decided last minute to grill it and I think it made a world of difference. As far as dinner tonight, it was satisfying but a little bit of a letdown. I don't think there was anything really substantial in it. I should/could have added chicken or some kind of meat to it, instead it was just bread and vegetables. PLUS the flatbread didn't crisp in the oven like I expected it to, it got REALLY soggy and almost impossible for me to eat neatly. That recipe needs some improvement.

My morale right now is really good, I expected to practically be going through withdrawal at this phase but I'm surprisingly not. I am proud of myself for letting go of the fact that I didn't work out yesterday instead of dwelling on it and letting it destroy me. Also, writing this blog is keeping me in check, during the day every time I do something "good" for myself I can't wait to write about it later! Hopefully this feeling lasts for another....(ugh math)...another 86 days.

Day 3:

Sooo I wasn't able to get onto a computer last night to post since I wasn't home and stayed over somewhere. This post will make up for yesterday's. Yesterday was a good day, I'm really happy that I've been able to stick with it so far. I know that 3 days doesn't seem like a lot, but usually I'm having a lot of trouble adjusting and this time I'm not. I think there are a few reasons why this is so. 1) I've been keeping myself busy. Usually when I sit at home or at work with nothing to do, I start eating out of pure boredom. But I have been running around like crazy the last few days so I know that has definitely helped. 2) I have been making food days beforehand. Each time I start a diet I say I'm going to "plan out" my meals and then I don't actually do it. This time I've stuck to my word and I make my meals at least a day ahead of time. Also, I had the foresight to know I was going to cherry hill last night, so yesterday morning I made food for last night's dinner, today's breakfast and lunch, AND tonight's dinner, since I knew I wouldn't feel like making it when I got home. The fact that I'm now able to anticipate my laziness and combat it by being proactive really impresses me. 3) I've been eating more filling foods and less "empty" calories. In that past, if I really wanted to indulge a craving, for example pizza, I'd say to myself "ok I'll allow myself to eat it but I'll only have a slice"...calorie-wise this is a better decision, but then I'd be starving soon after since pizza isn't exactly satisfying. I'm now learning to eat more filling foods like turkey for protein, cottage cheese and I allow myself to have my fill of veggies. I realize that by eating smarter foods, I'm not hungry from meal to meal. 4) The last reason I think I've been successful so far is I've cut out processed foods and added sugars. Normally I'd eat cereal for breakfast, which is generally ok but they are usually sweetened to some degree, and I noticed that the more sugar I consume the more I crave it later. I've started drinking BLACK coffee, which I would normally never do but I actually am starting to like. I haven't cut out sugar COMPLETELY (still eating a good amount of fruits) since sugar is basically addictive and I can't just cut it out cold turkey.

Here is what I ate yesterday (sunday):

Breakfast:

-serving size kashi whole wheat cereal with coconut milk (instead of regular dairy)

Lunch:

-Veggie burger on whole wheat toast with tomatoes, lettuce and ketchup

Snack:

-green apple

Dinner:

-Turkey stir fry with broccoli, sugar snap peas, peppers, carrots and soy sauce.

Snack:

-Kid's cup of lowfat ice cream

I felt bad about the ice cream, but it was the only snack I had so it was OK! I'm not going to criticize or punish myself for it! The beachbody program says I can have lowfat ice cream or frozen yogurt as long as it's a small serving. They even go so far as to say I can put sugar-free syrup and nuts on it too, but I didn't think those toppings were necessary.

I DID mess up yesterday in the fact that I didn't work out :(...like I said I was in cherry hill, and the plan was to bring my DVD with me to do at my friend's house...I even brought my workout clothes! But forgot the DVD. I really didn't know what else to do as far as working out. I guess in retrospect I could have climbed her stairs a bunch of times. But it's ok. I'm learning not to punish myself if I make a mistake, which I definitely would have done in the past. Actually I would have punished myself, and said "screw it I'll just start over on monday" and I'd let myself be bad for the rest of the week. But i'm learning to tell myself a slip up is OK, even if it is still the first week. I don't want to go backwards! Anyway that was the post for sunday, when today is over I'll add on to this post!