Day 12

Let me begin this post by saying that I can't believe I managed to bounce back from the unhealthy eating this past weekend. In the past, any slip up would normally have resulted in a complete relapse and I'd feel shameful and full of hate for myself. This time is different. I acknowledge my mistakes and instead of diving down into a negativity spiral I picked myself up and moved on. It might not seem like a big deal to anybody else, but since it's the first time I've ever managed to salvage myself it's a huge deal to me.

Since eating better, I've taken note of some patterns in what I crave and when, and how everything I consume subsequently leads to or diminishes those cravings. I should start off by elaborating on the "hormone disorder" I referenced in my very first blog post. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, sometimes known as PCOS. Elevated insulin levels are among the most prominent characteristics of the disorder. Now I noticed that each time I ate something that had refined starches or was high in sugar, I then craved the same type of foods throughout the day...so much so that it became almost a NEED to satisfy an addiction. Eating foods with that kind of starch content gave me a kind of "high" which I then was forced to fuel the rest of the day, and any amount of trying to talk myself out of it wouldn't really work. It was beyond mental, it was a physical need. Well I was actually reading an article online today on PCOS, and it focused on the insulin levels. I had never really taken the time to find out what insulin actually does and what roles it plays in the body. I took the time to research it and was surprised by what I found. Basically, I learned that eating foods high on the glycemic index (corn flakes for example) your body converts them too rapidly and instead of using it for fuel, it's almost immediately burned up, your blood sugar then spikes which give you a sugar rush or sugar high, and you then need to eat sooner and more often. I laughed when I read this since I felt like it offered an explanation for my observations. Furthermore, eating foods with a low glycemic index (such as oatmeal), your body will break it down more slowly and release it into your bloodstream gradually, and thus you would feel the need to eat less often. It was really incredible to actually take the time to learn something that I probably should have looked into a long time ago. Also, my disorder comes with a high risk of diabetes due to the irregularity in insulin levels, and professionals recommend a low-glycemic diet as a remedy. I don't want diabetes. And I certainly don't want to be the one standing in the way of my health and long life. It really was intriguing to find proof of what I've been noticing. When I eat sugary or carb-loaded foods, my body then needs to feed that high. The only way to not crave those types of foods is to not eat them to begin with. I noticed that on Saturday night when I drank some alcohol, the next day all I craved was sugar and starches. My body felt like rejecting water, instead it wanted juice. On another note, I also read that carbohydrates affect moods. Not that it gives me an excuse for being mad at myself when I "mess up" but I suppose it's a contributing factor. Basically the sugar high a person gets when eating sugar or carbs eventually leads to a "crash" - aka a sudden drop in seratonin (the "feel good" chemical), thus causing sleepiness, hostility and depression. I'm glad I was able to get a hold on myself and stop the cycle dead in its tracks. This information will better allow me to control my eating in the future as well. If I'm hungry, or out to dinner, I will know to at least choose a meat dish or salad versus a carb-loaded sandwich or pasta dish and that way I won't crave bad foods or feel bad about myself either!

I didn't work out today, but I got out my calendar and figured out a workout schedule. Monday, Wed and Fri I'm home during the day so I will do cardio on those days. No one wants to hear my fat ass jumping around like a nutjob at midnight. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights will be circuit nights. It's nice and quiet and easy to do without the family being up in my business. Tomorrow=cardio! Also, a friend of mine told me I could come as her guest to my college gym, where they offer spinning among other things. Works for me!

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast:

-2 slices whole grain toast with 2 tbsp peanut butter

Snack:

-Sugar free chocolate pudding with a banana

Lunch:

-Veggie burger on whole grain bun

-1 serving campbells natural meatball soup (all-natural ingredients)

Dinner:

-Grilled cheese: Wheat bread, lowfat american, lowfat swiss and lowfat mozzarella (1 slice each) and 2 big slices of tomato

-Small handful of olives

Water:

-3 bottles

Food analysis: The peanut butter is a treat for me. It gives me the sweetness I occasionally like in the morning but with the satisfaction of protein. The one I tried today had 1/3 less sugar. I'd like to still find a better brand...one that's not TOO natural but not full-sugar either. The puddings are delicious and sugar free. Lunch would have been good, but I somehow managed to microwave the veggie burger twice and it had the consistency of shoe leather. The soup was very natural tasting. Maybe too natural. Tasted blander than home-made. Dinner was a clusterf***. I came home starving and figured I would make chicken...and discovered that the freezer broke, causing the whole raw chicken to BLEED all over the freezer, so I threw it out. We didn't have any other meat that was readily available for my use so I just used cheese. The GOOD part was that I actually came home, opened the freezer and saw lean pockets...which would have been a much quicker and low-calorie option. But since I'm trying to eat naturally, I kept hungrier just a few minutes longer so I could make my sandwich. All in all, today was a good day :)