Day 42

Today was a little tough for me and I messed up a bit but, as I've been saying a lot lately, it's OK and I just want to go forward. I'm kind of bummed that the only days I do really really well are the days where I'm so busy I just forget the urge to eat. I wish I had better willpower so that on days when I just sat around I could easily say no to temptation. Today, for example, included a lot of sitting around and I just constantly wanted to eat. I went to a friend's house tonight and they ordered pizza, and even though I had eaten all my meals for the day already I managed to have enough willpower to last only an hour until I finally caved and had 2 slices. Why can't I just see it, know I shouldn't eat it, and say NO?? Why is there a battle of wits in my head? And why can't I be strong enough so that I have that mentality constantly? It's really disheartening to think that I can be so easily swayed...up until now really the only way I've rejected temptation is by literally avoiding it. I don't go out to eat for fear of being tempted. I don't go to bars for fear of being tempted. I don't go out really with anyone anymore because I know there will be unhealthy food involved, and the only time I DO agree to go out to dinner is when I research the restaurant first. I have to be able to be realistic and know that there will be times when I end up in a place serving fried and fatty foods and I want to have the strength to say no without fighting myself on it. And I drank 4 bottles of water today, which of course would keep me hydrated, but after the pizza (which I know had sugar in the dough and sauce) I am suddenly super thirsty but I'm not craving water I'm craving sugary drinks. I must admit I'm proud that to date I haven't drank any sugary drinks since starting this whole thing, but still, it's crazy that "sugar breeds sugar"...the fact that I ate the pizza left me wanting to down a bottle of gatorade or iced tea or juice...but I'm going to sit here and suck down another water bottle and hope that it will quench my thirst for now. I know I'm doing well, and I'm impressed with myself so far, I really am. I just want to feel like I'm growing STRONGER instead of growing WEAKER. I figured after a month I'd at the very least have stronger willpower but I don't think I do and that's frustrating and disheartening. Anyway, here is what I gobbled down today:

Breakfast:

-1/4c egg whites with 1/4c fat free cheddar and 2 tbsp salsa
*good i guess, trying to get rid of these damn egg whites! should have bought the small carton...
-1 trader joe's hash brown
*yum
-1 cup coffee with 2 tbsp nondairy fat free creamer and 1 sweet & low
*delicious but I need to make sure I limit my caffeine intake

Lunch:

-1 trader joe's frozen panko-breaded tilapia fillet
-homemade french fries (1 small potato cut and salted and baked)
*fish & chips! healthy-style...except I cut the fries in an odd shape so they all burned.

Snack:

-1 pack of 2 trader joe's granola bars
*good and really filling

Dinner:

- 1 turkey burger with 1 slice lowfat swiss cheese, 1 tbsp ketchup, onions, a dash of worcestershire sauce on a trader joe's whole grain bun
*good but the worcestershire sauce kind of gave it a funky taste. I was experimenting. Also, after I opened my lunchbox and discovered that my wrapped up turkey burger was basically soaked with grease, I'm thinking an investment in a George Forman grill might be in order.

Other Dinner?

-2 slices plain pizza
*bad idea but so good haha

Snack:

-Some green seedless grapes
*i <3 fruit

Water:

-4 bottles

 That is all, goodnight. haha.